Child of the Moon Page 6

  Mick looked annoyed. “Must we speak of them again? They are gone. They are not important.”

  She stared into the fire. It was true that thinking about her parents only made her sad. And there was no sadness in the wolf, only leaping, growling joy. The flames were orange and yellow and red. Occasionally, there was a bright tongue of purple. Fire was beautiful. “I feel… I feel like I’m a different person now. I feel like I know who I am.” She laughed a little. “I guess that sounds strange. If you’d asked me a few days ago if I knew who I was, of course I would have said yes. But I would have been wrong. I wouldn’t have known anything about myself, not my real self. In fact, I’ve always been uncomfortable. I’ve always felt like I didn’t really belong. And now I know why. Because this is my true self. This is who I am.”

  Mick’s smile widened. “I’m so happy to hear you say that, little fael. I have to admit, I was worried. I thought you might resent what I have shown you.”

  “No,” she said. “No, I’m so glad that you’ve given this to me. I only…” It was so hard to reconcile her old self with her new self. And she did still ache so for her parents. She missed them so much. She would have given anything to get them back. She shut her eyes, but she could still see the brightness of the fire through her eyelids. It was warm and muted and red, like being in the womb. Maybe she was being reborn. Maybe she would emerge different and new.

  “This is why I made you promise never to call the SF, you know?” he murmured. “They would take this from you. They would force you to suppress your true nature, and they would trap your wolf in your body. It would be torture.”

  “Oh,” she said in realization. “Yes, I guess it would be.”

  It was quiet. She could feel the warmth of the fire, and she felt safe and happy.

  “Carrie?” murmured Mick.

  She opened her eyes. There he was. The light of the fire flickered against his naked skin—his broad shoulders and his chiseled chest. She felt an urge to touch him. Generally, she would have suppressed that urge, but she was reborn now, and she trusted herself. She felt comfortable in her own skin.

  So she gave in to her desire. She leaned close, ran her fingers over his cheekbone, and pressed her lips against his.

  Mick’s lips were warm and full. Her lips fit in between his, like they were two puzzle pieces. She got closer, and then her naked skin was on his naked skin. She slid against him. His flesh was smooth and warm.

  His lips moved on hers. His hand cupped the curve of her hip, pulling her closer.

  She opened her mouth to him, offering him her tongue, offering him the chance to probe her.

  He made a strangled sound, something almost anguished.

  And then he pulled away.

  She was startled. It had seemed like he liked it. What was more, it had seemed right and natural, at least she had thought so. She wouldn’t have tried it if it hadn’t seemed like the thing to do. So why was he pulling away from her?

  Mick got to his feet. He ran a hand through his long, auburn hair. “Why would you…?”

  “I’m sorry,” she said in a tiny voice. “I thought—”

  “No,” he said forcefully. “You don’t understand, little fael. I am your alpha. You and I… we should not…” He pressed his lips into a firm line. “You are so very young.”

  She stood up too. She was vaguely aware that she might have been self-conscious about her nudity before, but she wasn’t now. In fact, she displayed her naked curves to him, almost taunting him. “I’m not that young, Mick.”

  He turned away, and his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “You are a child.”

  “I’m eighteen.” She licked her lips. “I want you. Maybe it doesn’t make sense, but I do.” She dragged her gaze over his body, settling on his penis, which was half-erect. She’d seen him naked before, of course, but this seemed so much more intimate. The two of them in the faint light of the fire, sometime in the wee hours of the morning. Feeling bold, she reached for it. She ran two tentative fingers over its length.

  He seized her wrist, forcing her away. “Carrie.”

  “You want me too,” she whispered. “I don’t understand why—”

  “Get away from me,” he growled. He threw aside her wrist.

  “Why are you—”

  “I mean it.” He took her by the shoulders, turned her so that she faced away from him, and gave her a shove.

  She stumbled forward, and then caught herself. She turned back to glare at him. He was rejecting her? Why was he doing something so hurtful? She’d felt connected to Mick—to the moon, the trees, the fire, and everything—and he’d spit on her. She hated him.

  It was a fresh, strong emotion. She wanted to dive at him and tear him to pieces.

  But instead, she only sucked in an unsteady breath. “Fine,” she said in a tight voice.

  She went to bed.

  * * *

  The next morning, Carrie’s alarm woke her at six in the morning. It was programmed to always go off on the weekdays. She needed to get ready for school. Even though she’d only had a few hours of sleep, she felt alert and ready to face the day.

  She got in the shower right away. When she got out, she surveyed the clothes in her closet, still wrapped in her towel. She had an entire closet full of dark-colored dresses. Most of them came down just past her knees. Some were short sleeved, some long. She wore them all the time. In the winter, she wore leggings under them to keep her legs warm. They were shapeless, dark, and bland.

  Why had she ever wanted to wear these clothes?

  She began pulling them out of her closet and tossing them in a pile. She wanted to burn them.

  The clothes had been an act of defiance. She’d wanted to get back at her parents for being so strict, and at all of the other students in her school for making fun of her. She’d wanted to separate herself, show them all that she was different, thank you very much. She was different, and she was superior, and she didn’t need to be like any of them. She was an individual.

  But now, Carrie realized that the clothes didn’t make her an individual. They only meant she was playing into the hands of the opinions of others. And besides, it had been so juvenile. Had she really thought that wearing clothes her mother hated would make the woman change her mind about curfews?

  What had she been thinking?

  Carrie pulled on a pair of leggings—ones that she’d usually wear under a dress. She wore them with a shirt instead. It barely skimmed over her ass and clung loosely to her curves.

  She stalked into her mother’s bedroom and went through the woman’s closet until she found her mother’s knee-high boots. Carrie tugged them on and surveyed herself in the mirror.

  She couldn’t help but grin.

  Wow. She looked… sexy.

  She would usually skip breakfast before school, but this morning, she was ravenous. Inside her, the wolf was antsy, nipping at the back of her neck, almost as if it wanted to be let out. But the moon was gone now. Why was the wolf still active?

  She wasn’t sure, but she did make sure to grab some breakfast before she started out to the end of her driveway to wait for the school bus. When she went by the cars, she looked longingly at them. She really needed to get her license. She wanted to drive to school.

  When the bus pulled up, the driver eyed her warily. “You know, if you’re new, you still gotta fill out paperwork before you ride the bus. It’s a liability issue.”

  “New?” she said. “You pick me up here every day.”

  The driver did a double-take as he recognized her. Then he cleared his throat and mumbled an apology as she climbed onto the bus.

  All morning it was like that. Teachers wanted to know why she was sitting in Carrie’s assigned seat. Guys who’d never spoken to her before wandered over to her locker to ask if she was new at the school. When she told them that she was Carrie Beckett, they all seemed stunned.

  Carrie couldn’t believe it. She didn’t really look that different. She hadn’t do
ne anything different with her hair or anything. She just wasn’t wearing one of her black drape dresses. She realized that no one had ever looked at her when she was wearing those dresses. All they’d seen were her clothes, not her face or her body. She might as well have been invisible before.

  And there was something else too… Carrie didn’t exactly know what it was, but it had something to do with the wolf, with finding herself. She remembered that before this weekend, whenever she had moved through the world, there had been resistance. Almost as if the air itself were pushing back at her, making it hard to move or breathe. But now, everything was wide open. When she moved, she felt confident. She felt at peace with herself. Every movement seemed right. She was fearless.

  Maybe that was what made her seem so different. She wasn’t sure.

  At least Joan recognized her right away.

  They met up at their usual lunch table. Carrie found that she was famished again, and she was already there with a tray. Usually, she just got a pack of crackers from the machine for lunch. She was worried about being fat, and so she usually tried to save her calories for dinner. She’d read that didn’t make much sense, because you were supposed to eat more in the morning than in the evening. But seriously—who had time to eat a big meal in the morning?

  Joan sat down, holding a pack of pretzels, and a water. The machines in the school were only allowed to dispense “healthy” snacks and drinks, so there was no soda or chips. Pretzels—for some reason—were okay. Joan looked at Carrie, who was shoveling canned corn into her mouth. “Wow,” said Joan, “you’re eating school lunch?”

  Carrie set down her fork. “I’m hungry, you know? Like really freaking hungry. I figured I’d just eat.”

  Joan shrugged. “Sure.”

  Carrie cut a corner off the burrito on her tray. She speared it with her fork and popped it in her mouth. She chewed. “Hey, this is actually good. I thought school food was gross.”

  “It is.” Joan opened her bag of pretzels.

  “Whatever. You should try this.” Carrie gestured to her plate.

  Joan laughed. “That’s okay.”

  “Your loss.” Carrie cut off another bite and chewed.

  Joan cocked her head. “What’s up with you? Are you on drugs or something?”

  Carrie nearly choked on her burrito. “What? Why would you say that?”

  “You’re just… you’re different.”

  Carrie opened her carton of milk and began removing her straw from its wrapper. “Yeah. I feel like I’ve just kind of figured things out. I don’t know how to explain it, but the way I was living before was stupid, and I’m going to change.”

  “You already have. I mean, you’re wearing completely different clothes. I’m pretty sure you’re violating the dress code.”

  Carrie laughed. “Those dresses were really ugly, Joan.”

  Joan winced. “Well, you know, I never wanted to say anything, but…”

  Carrie giggled.

  Joan laughed too. “Okay, so it’s a good thing that you no longer look like Emily Strange, but seriously, Carrie. What’s up with you?”

  “I don’t know.” Carrie shrugged. “Freedom agrees with me, I guess.”

  “You are so lucky that your parents left like that.”

  Carrie’s stomach turned over, thinking about her parents bloody bodies. She couldn’t meet Joan’s gaze. She struggled to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat. This was so hard. She was in mourning, but she couldn’t tell anyone. It made it doubly hard to get through the pain.

  You don’t seem like you’re mourning much, spoke up a jeering voice in her head.

  Carrie felt ashamed.

  “Carrie?” said Joan. “Did I say something?”

  Carrie tried to smile. “No, you’re fine. It’s good that they’re not around. They would never let me do this. They never wanted me to be the real me.” Mick was right about that. Her parents had repressed her, and they’d kept the wolf from her. They shouldn’t have done that. Without the wolf, she wasn’t whole. She never wanted them to die, but she had to admit that things were easier in some ways without them. She took a deep breath. “Listen, you’re right.”

  Joan raised her eyebrows. “Right about what?”

  “What you said yesterday about throwing a party. We should do it. I mean, my house is huge. It’s awesome. It would be a great place for a party. And it’s almost the end of senior year. Have you ever been to a high school party?”

  “Well, not exactly.”

  “Me either. So, we need to have one.”

  “But you said that no one would come.”

  “I’ll make them come.”

  “Carrie, I’m not going to deny that you look hot in your new clothes or whatever, but this isn’t one of those teen movies where you can give yourself a makeover and suddenly become popular. The kids in the school know who you are, even if you’re dressed different. They’re not going to come to your party.”

  Carrie took another bite of her burrito. “Oh ye of little faith.”

  “As your best friend, I’m trying to save you from disappointment.”

  Carrie looked up, just in time to see that Holden Rane was walking around with a tray, looking for someplace to eat. There was a table of girls in one corner—cheerleaders and volleyball players. Popular kids, like the ones Holden usually hung out with. He was veering off in their direction.

  Carrie got to her feet. “Watch this, Joan.”

  “Carrie, what are you doing?”

  Carrie only smiled. “You’ll see.”

  She sashayed across the cafeteria, heading straight for Holden. He was looking around the cafeteria as if making sure the cheerleaders and volleyball players were his best option. He spied her coming over to him. He smiled.

  She got closer. “Hey, Holden.”

  “Hey.” He started walking towards her.

  They met and both stopped moving.

  “Carrie,” said Holden. “That’s, um, a new look for you.”

  He’d recognized her, unlike everyone else in the school. That was a good sign. She shrugged. “It was time for a change.”

  He looked her up and down. “Yeah? Well, I dig it.”

  She grinned. “You looking for someplace to sit?”

  “Actually… yeah.”

  She gestured with her head. “There’s room at my table.”

  Holden shot a glance over at the cheerleaders. Then he eye-swept her body again. “Cool. Lead the way.”

  Triumphant, Carrie started to move. They made their way back to the table where she sat with Joan. She didn’t even look over her shoulder to make sure he was coming.

  It was strange. A few days ago, if she’d been this close to Holden Rane, she would have been nervous as all hell. Her palms would have been sweating, her heart pounding, and she wouldn’t have been able to talk to him without stuttering. But now, she didn’t see any reason to be afraid of him. The worst he could do was reject her, and—if he did—that would be his loss.

  Holden sat down next to her, and glanced at her tray. “You like the burrito, huh?”

  “Yeah, it’s surprisingly good,” said Carrie. “I didn’t think it would be.”

  “The food actually isn’t bad here,” he said.

  Joan made a tiny noise.

  Carrie looked over to see that her best friend had gone white in shock. She was shaking her head, utterly surprised.

  “Oh,” said Carrie, “Holden, you know my best friend Joan?”

  He smiled at Joan. “Uh, yeah, I think I remember that. I’m Holden.”

  “Yeah, I know,” said Joan in a tight voice.

  Holden dug in to his food. Between bites, he said, “It’s too bad that we never got to know each other before. High school’s practically over now, and we’re just starting to hang out.”

  Carrie nodded. “I know. I think a lot of people start feeling that way at the end of their senior year. So many missed opportunities, you know?”

  “Totally,” s
aid Holden.

  “Well,” said Carrie, “in the spirit of righting wrongs, I think we should all have a chance to get to know each other better. So, I’m throwing a party.”

  “A party?” He gave her a funny look. “The last time I saw you, weren’t you saying something about your strict parents?”

  “They’re out of town,” she said. “Probably for months.”

  He laughed. “Well, it does sound like a party is in order.”

  “You’ll come then?” said Carrie.

  “Wouldn’t miss it,” he said.

  “Good,” said Carrie. “Invite anyone you want.”

  “Awesome,” he said. “You know, you’re really cool, Carrie. I don’t know why I never saw how cool you were.”

  She shrugged. “Maybe you weren’t looking. Or maybe I wasn’t letting anyone see. Does it really matter now?”

  He took a bite of his burrito. “Yeah, maybe not.” He laughed.

  She smiled.

  He couldn’t seem to take his eyes off of her.

  * * *

  There wasn’t much time for Carrie and Joan to talk after lunch, and they didn’t have any classes together that afternoon. So, they had to talk on the bus that afternoon. They were the oldest students on the bus, since no other seniors actually rode it, so they had claimed the two back seats to themselves. However, today, they wanted to talk so badly that they both sat in one seat. It was a little cramped, but the girls didn’t care as they put their heads together and began to giggle.

  “I can’t believe you just walked up to Holden Rane and asked him to eat lunch with you,” said Joan. “You are insane.”

  Carrie giggled. “Well, it worked, didn’t it? I mean, he was into it. And he’s going to invite everyone to the party.”

  “I can’t believe that either. I can’t believe you’re really going to throw a party.” Joan shook her head. “I swear, it’s like I lost my friend at that carnival last Friday, and now I don’t even know who you are.”

  “I’m still me,” said Carrie. “It’s just that I’m a better version of myself.”

  Joan gave her a concerned look. “Did something happen that you’re not telling me about?”