Silas Read online

  There was an iPod plugged into some speakers near the house, so as to take advantage of the electricity there. It was pelting out music by some band I hadn’t heard of before called Yeasayer. Apparently, Leigh liked them, and they provided the ambiance she wanted for the wedding. They had a sort of folky, airy sound to them, but it was also a little funky. I thought it was okay.

  As far as weddings went, it was pretty low key.

  I guess I’d known that it was going to be. I hadn’t paid a lot of attention to Sloane when she’d been blabbing about how Leigh wanted an anti-wedding that wouldn’t be very stressful.

  Funny thing was, it had seemed fairly stressful to me.

  Anyway, I guessed it was typical for Leigh to want an anti-wedding. She wasn’t your typical kind of girl. She was a brash individual. She definitely marched to the beat of her own drum.

  Honestly, I’d been spending so much time thinking of hers and Griffin’s relationship as traditional that I hadn’t noticed how far off center they were. We all were, really. I supposed that living through the shit we lived through tended to do that to people.

  The music switched to a different song. I remembered it from the rehearsal dinner. It had a sort of tribal drum beat and a lot of swelling synthesizer. This was the song that kicked the whole thing off.

  Sure enough, the door opened, and my sister came out. She was wearing a white dress and carrying a bouquet of roses.

  So… the bridesmaids were in white?

  Interesting choice. I grinned.

  Christa followed her in a few minutes, wearing the same dress. It was short, came down to her calves, and sleeveless. Her dark hair was pulled up into a casual knot on top her head, careless strands falling in her face. She was smiling. The wound on her forehead was healing—barely visible. She looked fresh and happy and so beautiful it made my chest hurt.

  I looked away.

  She’d been avoiding me since our Thursday night conversation.

  I guessed she was serious about not wanting to see me.

  It was funny, because I didn’t think I’d ever asked a girl to be with me like that. Even my high school girlfriend and I had seemed to sort of fall together without a lot of effort. We’d assumed we were together. It was funny, because there had been lots of girls since then who’d tried to get me to commit to something—anything—and I’d blown them all off.

  This was probably my punishment or something.

  Sloane and Christa took their places on the opposite side of the flower garden. Christa was directly across from me.

  I caught her eye.

  Her gaze darted from mine.

  And then everyone stood up.

  Because the bride was coming.

  But since everyone was standing, I couldn’t see Leigh until she got around the crowd and started down the stone-walkway aisle.

  She wasn’t wearing white.

  She had a burgundy dress. It had short sleeves. It swept her ankles. It was covered in layers of dark red lace.

  The roses she was carrying were white, though.

  Her blonde hair was gathered up on her head in a similarly careless style to Christa’s. She gazed nervously around at everyone as she walked slowly forward.

  And then she saw Griffin, and her face lit up.

  It stunned me, the change that went over her. It was as if seeing Griffin there was the best thing that ever happened to her. He made her so happy. I didn’t think a girl had ever looked at me that way.

  Griffin grinned at her. His features relaxed, as if her presence had soothed everything that bothered him. He stopped fidgeting.

  The two of them locked gazes, and she continued her slow movement towards us. It was like she was suddenly floating, moving forward like liquid.

  Griffin stepped forward to intercept her.

  I could finally see the back of her dress, and I saw that it dipped elegantly low in the back.

  She joined hands with Griffin.

  The two of them kissed.

  Then they turned around and faced all the people that were sitting and watching.

  Leigh waved. “Hi, everyone.”

  Griffin cleared his throat.

  They waited for a second while the song that was playing finished. Then it was quiet.

  “So, um,” said Leigh, “you might have noticed that we don’t have an officiant or whatever, cause we’re doing the legal stuff at the courthouse, and we’re not…” She grinned at Griffin. “We don’t care, right, because it’s just supposed to be really informal.”

  He couldn’t take his eyes off of her.

  She nudged him. “You’re supposed to say something.”

  “I agree with what you said,” he said.

  She rolled her eyes and laughed. Everyone else gathered did too.

  He took her hand.

  They gazed at each other again for several quiet minutes, both of them grinning like idiots.

  Then Leigh shook herself and looked back at everybody. “Okay, so, the first thing in a wedding is usually giving the bride away, but I don’t like belong to anybody except myself, so I’m sort of giving myself away or whatever, but, um…” She gestured to Beverly. “Griffin’s mom is here, and so, we wanted to get her formal blessing.”

  Beverly stood up.

  Griffin smiled at her. “What do you think, Ma?”

  Beverly wiped at her eyes. She was crying. “I just wanted to say that you’re both beautiful, and I couldn’t be happier for you.”

  Leigh looked like she was going to tear up too. “Thank you.”

  Beverly nodded and sat back down.

  Leigh sniffled. “Um… then we’re supposed to… what do we do next?”

  “Vows, right?” said Griffin.

  She giggled. “Right.” She made a face. “Duh.”

  Everyone laughed.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “I was going to have this piece of paper to keep track, but I decided it looked tacky.”

  “We, uh, didn’t really want to get too crazy into big, long vows,” said Griffin.

  “Right, because this is really informal,” said Leigh.

  “And we all just want to start drinking,” said Griffin.

  Everyone laughed again.

  Leigh rolled her eyes. “Whatever, I’ve seen Griffin drunk like two times in his life.”

  Griffin looked at the ground, chuckling.

  “So, anyway, basically…” She swung their bound hands and sought his gaze.

  He lifted his eyes.

  “I want to be with you,” she said. “Through anything that the world can throw at us. We’ve been through so much together already. You’ve seen me at my worst and at my best. And I don’t trust anyone the way I trust you. I love you, and I want to be with you for the rest of my life.”

  He caressed her face.

  She closed her eyes.

  “Yeah,” he said. “Ditto.”

  More laughter from the guests.

  Her jaw dropped. “Oh come on, you can’t just say that. You have to say something.”

  He laughed.

  “Seriously, I’m doing all the talking.”

  “You’re much better at talking than me, doll,” he said.

  She fixed him with an annoyed glare.

  “Hey, I’m kidding,” he said. He cleared his throat again. He licked his lips. And he looked deeply into her eyes. “Um… I guess, I don’t really know if I’d be anything without you. Before I knew you, I was lost. I was closed in. I was afraid. And you showed me that life meant something. You woke me up. You’re literally the best thing that ever happened to me, and I’ve tried being without you, and I much prefer being with you, so, as long as it’s okay with you, I want you near me. All the time.”

  Leigh did start crying then.

  He wiped her tears away with his thumb.

  They did another of those frozen moments, where they seemed like they were drowning in each other’s gazes, like the whole world had faded away, and they could only see each other.
r />   It was powerful. It was unsettling. And it made me wish…

  “Rings.” Leigh held out her hand, still staring at Griffin.

  Oh, that was me. I fumbled to find the ring in my suit pocket and moved forward.

  I handed it to Griffin.

  Sloane was handing a ring to Leigh.

  Leigh held up her ring and grabbed Griffin’s hand. “With this ring… I claim you so that no one else can touch you.”

  Everyone laughed.

  She slid it onto his finger.

  He took her hand. “With this ring,” he said, “I mark my territory as well.”

  “Eeww,” she said, pulling her hand back.

  He grabbed it again. “Come on. Can’t back out now. You said you wanted to be with me for the rest of your life.”

  Leigh giggled, letting him put the ring on her finger.

  He grabbed her, pulled her tight against him and kissed her hard.

  She threw her arms around his neck.

  They kept kissing.

  And kissing.

  I looked away.

  I could see that the guests were starting to shift in embarrassment as well.

  Leigh pushed him away, her face exultant. “I now pronounce us man and wife.”

  “I like the sound of that,” said Griffin, tugging her close again. He looked out at the guests. “Um, there’s beer in the coolers. Help yourself.” And then he kissed her again.

  * * *

  Sloane sat down next to me, plopping down two bouquets on the chair beside me. One was her bridesmaid bouquet. The other was Leigh’s. She caught it in the bouquet toss. “Hey, bro.”

  I was drinking beer. The reception was beer and ordered-in pizza, it being an informal anti-wedding and all of that. I realized that I’d been kind of a cock not to offer to brew beer especially for their wedding, but it hadn’t occurred to me before. I’d been a self-absorbed asshole.

  It wasn’t as if I hadn’t known that before. The difference was that now I felt bad about it.

  “Hey,” I said. “Congrats on catching the bouquet.”

  “It thwapped me in the head,” she said. “I wasn’t even trying to catch it. Weren’t you watching?”

  I laughed. “Not really. I was sort of…”

  “Staring at Christa,” she said.

  I shrugged, not even bothering to deny it.

  She took my beer from me and took a long drink. “Catching this stupid bouquet is like a cruel joke. Everyone knows that I’m never going to find someone to settle down with.”

  “No one knows that.” I snatched the beer back. “You’re my sister, and you’re awesome, and a guy would be lucky to have you.”

  “Whatever.” She slumped in her chair. “Do you know when the last time it was that I even got laid?”

  “No,” I said. “And I don’t want to know either. You should keep certain things to yourself.”

  “Eight. Months.” She took my beer again. “That’s how long.”

  “Could you get your own beer or something?” I said.

  She glared at me. “When was the last time you went eight days without getting laid?”

  I sighed. “Yeah, well, that’s going to change.”

  “It is?” She looked skeptical. She took a drink of my beer. “Why?”

  “Because I don’t think it was very healthy,” I said. “I think that shit with French, where I was like a male gigolo, kind of screwed with my head.”

  “Really?”

  I shrugged.

  “Are you admitting weakness, Silas? Is my brother actually realizing he’s not perfect?”

  “Shut up,” I said.

  She drank more beer. “It’s because of Christa, isn’t it? You’re into her.”

  “No,” I said. “It’s not. She doesn’t like me that way.”

  She patted my arm. “I’m sorry.”

  I shrugged her off. “Whatever.”

  “No, really, I am. I know you think I’m giving you hell, but I do think that she’s got to be crazy not to go for you. You’re the best brother in the world, and you look out for me. The only thing that annoys me about you is that you chase away guys who seem interested in me by scaring them to death, but I imagine that wouldn’t be a totally bad quality in a boyfriend.”

  I sighed. “I’m sorry, Sloane. Next guy you bring home? I promise to be nice.”

  She took another drink of her beer. “You’ll try, anyway.” She made a face. “It’s probably better if we’re alone. Right?”

  “Yeah,” I said. “Probably.”

  * * *

  “What are you doing up so early?” Sloane stood on the steps in the house in her pajamas. Her hair was sticking up straight in the air in the back.

  I was sitting on the couch. “Convincing myself not to chase her to the airport.”

  She made a sympathetic face and trooped down the rest of the stairs to join me. “Oh, Silas.”

  “They do it on the movies, you know,” I said. “There’s always that last minute change of heart, and the guy gets in a cab and races to stop her from leaving. There’s always all these obstacles, like getting stuck in traffic or the car getting a flat or something. But he keeps going. And then it cuts to her going through security and checking her bags. And then back to him. He’s still having problems. Back to her. She’s boarding the plane. And he bursts into the airport, and then…”

  She gave me a hug. “I’m sorry.”

  I hugged her back. “It would be a dick move, wouldn’t it? They make it seem romantic on the movies, but if she told me she didn’t want me, then chasing her after like that would actually be really uncool.”

  “Maybe.”

  “It’s only that I know that they all drove to Clarksburg together. Griffin and Leigh were getting a flight for their honeymoon, and they all went in one car. Beverly, Christa, and the two of them. And I know that they left about ten minutes ago. And if I got in the car now, I could get there.”

  She grabbed my hand. “You’re right. It’s better not to go.”

  I leaned back against the couch, staring up at the ceiling. “I didn’t think it would feel like this.”

  “What would?”

  “Losing her.” I swallowed. “We spent days together. We were all each other had out there. And she’s gone, and it feels wrong. It feels like something’s missing.”

  “Wow. You have it bad for her.”

  I sighed, looking at my sister. “I’m kind of pathetic right now, aren’t I?”

  She smiled. “A little, maybe. But it’s nice too. It’s okay to be pathetic now and then, Silas. You don’t always have to be strong for me.”

  I hugged her again.

  She rested her head against my chest. “You said goodbye to her last night after the wedding, right?”

  “She barely even looked at me,” I said. “She told me before that I reminded her of what Rolf did to her. I guess I can’t blame her.”

  Sloane lifted her head. “You’re going to be okay. You know that, right?”

  “No,” I said. “I don’t know that. Right now I feel the opposite of okay.”

  She stuck out her lower lip. “Maybe we should start drinking. What do you think? It’s Sunday morning. We could have mimosas. There’s leftover champagne from the toasts at the wedding.”

  I considered. “That’s not really a very healthy way to deal with it, is it?”

  She grinned. “We could also eat really bad junk food.”

  I laughed.

  “You’re smiling.” She jumped up off the couch. “My work here is done.”

  “You’re a good sister, you know that?”

  “So, do you want to start drinking?”

  “Uh… yeah. Actually, yeah.”

  She scampered away towards the kitchen. “I’ll find the champagne, okay?”

  I got up too, going after her. She could never get the corks out without my help. In my pocket, my cell phone beeped at me. I dug it out of my pocket.

  It was a facebook notification.r />
  Christa Fawkes wanted to be friends. There was a message. “Be my friend? I might be lonely back in Austin.”

  I clicked the button to accept the request.

  Huh.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  three months later…

  My phone was ringing. I was taking the steps three at a time up to my bedroom. It was late, and I was a little drunk. Even now, after all this time had passed, it still sometimes felt strange for me to come back from the bars without a girl. But I’d been celibate for quite some time now. I dug the phone out of my pocket and was pleasantly surprised to see that it was Christa.

  I answered it. “Hey. You’re calling me late.”

  She giggled. “I’m drunk.”

  I reached the top of the steps and wandered into my bedroom. “Me too.”

  “I wasn’t sure if you’d be awake.”

  “Are you kidding? It’s three in the morning on Thursday. Well, Friday now, technically, I guess. But, anyway, of course I’m awake.”

  “Are you home or are you out somewhere? It’s only two in the morning here, you know.”

  “Well, greetings from the future,” I said. “I’m home. Just got in, in fact. What about you? I thought you were going out to celebrate the end of summer classes tonight.”

  “I did,” she said. “It was a blast. And now I’m back in my dorm. And my roommate went home for the weekend, so I’m all alone.”

  “Oh,” I said in understanding. I sat down on the bed. “You okay?”

  “Fine,” she said.

  “Christa, this is me. You can tell me if you’re not.”

  “I’m alone all the time these days, Silas. Seriously.”

  “Because, you know, I couldn’t believe it when you told me that you stayed at school over the summer and took classes so that you wouldn’t have to sleep in a room by yourself.”

  “That is not why,” she said.

  “It’s what you said.”

  “Maybe it was part of it,” she said. “But only a little tiny part. Anyway, I’m not calling you because I’m scared. I mean, not exactly.”

  “Not exactly?”

  “I just wanted to catch up,” she said. “You know, see how you’re doing.”

  I laughed. “Well, in the last two hours since I commented on your status, I have gone to three bars and had about seven beers and talked a lot about brewing.”