Trembling Read online

  "Come into the bathroom with me while I change," I said. "I want to know everything about what happened last night."

  "While you change?" Jude said.

  "Yeah," I said. I took him by the arm and pulled him into the staff bathroom with me.

  The staff bathroom didn't have stalls. It just had one toilet and a sink. It was for either men or women. Once inside, I locked the door, and pulled my shirt over my head.

  "So where did you go?" I asked, folding my shirt and searching for my uniform polo.

  Jude wasn't looking at me. He was staring at the floor, like he was embarrassed.

  "I'm sorry," I said. "Does it make you uncomfortable that I'm taking off my clothes? I just thought . . ."

  Jude looked at me, grinning. "No, girl, you're fine," he said.

  "Okay," I said.

  Jude took a deep breath. "I wouldn't have left you if I thought you were so drunk," he said.

  "I didn't mean to get that drunk," I said.

  "You weren't when I left," he said.

  "Left?"

  "I didn't leave the party," Jude said. "I just started chasing this yummy boy with long blonde hair."

  I unbuttoned my jeans and wriggled out of them. "And?"

  "Oh, he turned out to be straight."

  "Sorry."

  Jude shrugged. "Whatev." He glanced at me and then looked away. I was making him uncomfortable. I needed to try to remember that being gay did not make Jude a girl. Maybe I was being rude. "So, what do you remember?"

  "Not much. I remember looking for you, not being able to find you, and calling Jason."

  "Oh yeah," said Jude, "your boyfriend's intense, isn't he?"

  Intense? That was one way to put it. "How do you mean?"

  "He hospitalized that guy. I've never seen anyone fight like that. He was like a machine."

  Damn it. Why was Jason always getting in fights? "He had to go to hospital, huh?"

  "Yeah. Broken ribs."

  Ribs? "Dammit," I said, shaking my head. I thrust my leg into my uniform khakis. Jason had to stop this.

  "You remember the fight?" Jude asked.

  "No. Jason told me about it."

  Jude nodded. "You don't remember anything, then?"

  I shook my head. "Not really."

  "Is that weird?" he asked. "I've never blacked out before."

  "Neither have I," I said. I remembered drinking, but I really didn't think I'd had that much to drink. The whole thing was weird. I buttoned my khakis thoughtfully. "Jason said something about that guy outside the tent. Like he said something about me."

  Jude raised his eyebrows. "What did he say?"

  I was probably being paranoid. "Jude, you don't think I was like roofied or something, do you?"

  Now that I was fully dressed, Jude was looking right at me. "Why would you think that?"

  "Jason said that when he found me I was only wearing my bikini. And the guy told him to save him seconds."

  Jude made a horrified face. "Eew."

  "Yeah."

  "Well, are you okay? I mean, do you think . . .?"

  "Oh, no. I'm fine. I mean, I don't think that happened. But maybe someone was trying?"

  Jude crossed to me and hugged me tightly. "Omigod," he said. "I am so sorry. I will never leave you alone at a party again."

  Work would have been torturous without Jude. He kept me laughing, whispering jokes about what the customers were wearing or saying when no one was looking. I really liked Jude. He was one of my favorite things about living in Florida. I'd always wanted to live someplace like this. Someplace warm. Near a beach. And being able to be close to Jason was a definite plus. Jason was my soul mate. Nothing could be too bad whenever he was around. But in all honesty, my life was far from perfect anymore.

  Six months ago, my biggest problem had been that I thought I was the oldest virgin on earth. I wasn't a virgin anymore, but sometimes, I almost wished I could go back to my life before. Then, my parents were alive, and I loved them. I lived in a busy, crowded home full of teenage foster boys, but I didn't realize how great it was to feel loved like that. I didn't realize how great it was to trust people implicitly. Now, I didn't trust anyone. I had nightmares a lot. I dreamed about my parents getting shot. I'd see it over and over again, in slow motion. The surprised look on their faces. The blood. The way their bodies had crumpled. In the worst dreams, the ones that always made me sit up straight in bed, screaming, I'd see Jason's face when he was shooting the members of the Sons who'd killed my parents. He looked determined and dangerous. Frenzied. Angry.

  After that nightmare, Jason would rush into my room, and he'd be so sweet and comforting that I'd wonder how I could ever feel frightened of him. He was perfect. He was wonderful. He was mine. He wasn't scary.

  But other times, when the dream didn't go that far, I wouldn't wake up without screaming, just seeing the image of my dead parents engraved on the back of my eyelids. And I'd think about other things. I'd think about Michaela Weem, Jason's crazy mother, who had screamed at me that together Jason and I would destroy things. She had told me that Jason was destined for violence on a grand scale. She had wanted me to kill Jason. Michaela Weem had believed that Jason was too dangerous to live. And she'd been able to convince a lot of people that she was right. I tried to tell myself she wasn't. I loved Jason more than life. I would die for him. I would kill for him. He was all that I had.

  But Michaela had been right about one thing. Once. She'd told us that together Jason and I would "drive men mad." And we had. When we kissed, a whole group of the Sons had stopped shooting and completely lost their minds. If she'd been right about that, maybe she was right about . . . But no. No. Jason was not going to enslave the world. I didn't think that. Irefused to think that.

  Between freaking out about the Sons trying to kill me, reliving the trauma of my murdered parents, and worrying that my boyfriend was actually the anti-christ (instead of the messiah, which was what the Sons thought), my life was not exactly a cakewalk. I longed for the days when I worried about my history exam or whether girls at school were gossiping about me. All of that just seemed ridiculous and childish now. Sometimes, I felt very old. Jude was right. Jason was intense. Ever since he'd appeared in my life, everything had been intense.

  That was why I liked Jude so much. He made me feel normal, like a regular teenage girl again. One who thought about parties and boys and make-up. I used to think that kind of stuff was shallow, but now I wished like hell it was all I thought about. I missed it. I felt like my innocence had been stolen or something.

  Thanks to Jude, the six hours of my shift went by pretty quickly. Afterwards, we sat outside of the theater, drinking huge sodas (one of the perks of working at movie theater). I was waiting for Jason to pick me up. We only had one car, and I hadn't wanted to monopolize it. Jude was just hanging out with me.

  "You wanna go to that party at Rachel Kline's next weekend?" he asked.

  "God," I said. "I'm not sure if I ever want to drink again."

  Jude laughed. "I've heard that before."

  "Hey!" I said. "I don't drink that much."

  "You can hold your own, girl," said Jude, with a touch of admiration.

  I rolled my eyes. "I just like to have fun. Is that so wrong?"

  "You are fun," said Jude. "That's why I like you so much."

  I'd always been such a goody-goody back in West Virginia. Now that I was free, I was able to make my own decisions. Hallam thought I was a teenage alcoholic, but then, Hallam didn't have a very high opinion of me. I was over-sexed. I drank too much. I didn't study enough. He was like the father I never wanted. Sometimes, I thought about packing up and moving to New Jersey to live with my grandmother. She had custody of my younger brother, Chance. But I didn't really think that Jason would be welcome, and there was no way I'd go anywhere without Jason. So I put up with Hallam, because I had to.

  "Well, Jude," I said, "you're kind of fun, yourself."

  "Kind of?" he said. "I am a blast, and you
love it."

  I laughed. Jude was a blast.

  "So, party, then?" he asked.

  "Maybe," I said. "I'll ask Jason if he wants to come. He might have to work, though."

  Jude raised his eyebrows.

  "Jason can come, right?"

  "Keep him on a leash. He can't beat anybody else up."

  I sighed. "I can't believe he did that."

  "He was protecting you," said Jude. "It's sweet and all, and I understand, but didn't he get in a fight at school last week?"

  "Yeah," I said, inwardly groaning. Jason had anger issues. "Speaking of Jason, where the hell is he?" He was at least ten minutes late.

  "Call him," said Jude.

  "I'll give him another minute or two," I said. "You don't have to wait if you don't want."

  "Are you kidding? Of course I'm going to wait with you. I wouldn't let you sit outside the theater by yourself."

  "Thanks," I said. But I remembered that earlier that day Jason had called Jude a jerk, and I wondered if it was a good idea for Jude to be there when Jason pulled up.

  I scolded myself. It wasn't like Jason just started punching people for no reason. He had to be provoked. The guy he'd beat up last week at school for instance, had been threatening some poor freshman girl and being really vulgar. To Jason's credit, he hadn't started the fight. He'd asked the guy to cut it out. The guy had started swinging. It was just really stupid to try to fight Jason. Jason was too good at beating people up.

  "Maybe I will call him," I said to Jude. I got my phone out of my purse and selected Jason's name out of my recently dialed log. Holding the phone up to my ear, I waited while it rang.

  Jason picked up. "Azazel," he said.

  "Hey," I said. "Are you coming to pick me up?"

  "Crap," he said. "What time is it?"

  I told him.

  "I'm sorry," he said. "We've got a little situation here."

  My heart started to race. A situation? It was the Sons, wasn't it? What had happened? "What?" I said, serious now.

  "It's Lilith," he said.

  Chapter Two

  To: Edgar Weem

  From: Renegade Son

  Subject: Monthly update

  Edgar,

  Not much has changed. Jason is still behaving violently. He's been badly beating several other boys in the area, both at school and work. He's still completely and utterly devoted to Azazel.

  I look for other tell-tale signs, but he seems like a normal kid otherwise. Nothing else to report.

  Hallam

  The last time I saw my best friend Lilith, she was wearing a silk black robe and explaining to me that everyone in my entire town (including her) was a Satanist. She was telling me that my parents, my principal, and my teachers all thought that I was the Vessel of Azazel and that I was supposed to kill Jason for the greater good. The time that I'd seen her before that, I'd found out that she'd been sleeping with my then-boyfriend Toby for years. I wasn't really on speaking terms with Lilith anymore.

  But there she was, sitting in the living room of our apartment in Florida, looking pretty much the same as she had months ago. Her hair was still red. Her boobs were still gigantic. And she didn't look the least bit sorry.

  Standing in the doorway with Jason, I glowered at her. I'd wanted him to fill me in on the way home, but I hadn't really given him the chance to talk, because I'd spent the entire ride ranting about how I couldn't believe that Lilith had the nerve to show up at my house. If Lilith was expecting some kind of tear-filled, happy reunion with me, she had another thing coming.

  "What are you doing here?" I demanded.

  "Hi Zaza," she said, smiling tentatively.

  The sound of my old nickname made me cringe. My parents used to call me that. "It's Azazel," I said.

  "Sorry," she said.

  I crossed my arms over my chest. "Well?" I said. "Why are you here?"

  "Azazel," said Jason from behind me, "maybe—"

  I turned on him, silencing him with a look. He backed away, making a hands-off gesture. "I'll let you two catch up," he said, and tried to duck into the kitchen, away from us.

  "No way," I said. "You're not going anywhere." I clutched his arm and yanked him over to me, so that we were standing shoulder to shoulder. A united front. Against Lilith.

  "You're mad," said Lilith.

  "Duh," I said.

  Lilith nodded. "Of course you're mad," she said. "Why wouldn't you be?"

  "You screwed my boyfriend behind my back and tried to get me to kill Jason," I said. "So, yeah, I'm pretty much mad. Pretty much hoped never to see you again. Pretty much want you to get the hell out."

  Lilith's face fell. Then she nodded. "Okay," she said, standing up from the couch and slinging her duffel bag over her shoulder. "I understand."

  "Wait," said Jason.

  What? I looked at Jason, shocked. Why was he saying that? He was supposed to be on my side.

  "She ran away from home," said Jason.

  "So?" I said.

  "So, she's got nowhere else to go," he said.

  "I don't care," I said.

  "She needs help," he said.

  "She doesn't deserve my help," I said.

  "Why not?" he asked.

  "You know why not," I said. "Because of what I just said."

  "The stuff about Toby?" he asked.

  "Yeah," I said.

  Jason nodded. "You still care about Toby?" he asked, not looking at me.

  "No," I said. It was a moot point. Toby was dead, anyhow. The Sons had killed him the same time they'd killed my parents.

  "Good," said Jason, turning to look at me, "because if I remember correctly, he was big jerk who tried to rape you. Twice."

  Was Jason jealous of everyone suddenly? Good God. First Jude, now Toby? How could someone be jealous of a gay guy and a dead guy? What was next? Actors on TV?

  "He was a jerk," said Lilith.

  I looked at her witheringly. "The last time I heard the two of you talking, you said you loved him."

  "I was an idiot," said Lilith. "I guess he told both of us that he loved us, didn't he?"

  "Well, yeah," I said, "but he only said that to me because the coven forced him to date me so that I would stay a virgin for the ritual. I kind of don't think that counts. He really loved you."

  "Which was why he took off after you right after you and Jason left, right?" said Lilith. "That was why he ditched me and got himself killed. Because he loved me?"

  Okay, point. "Right, well, like Jason said, Toby was a jerk."

  "So, it's stupid to be mad at Lilith about her relationship with him, then," said Jason.

  Stupid? Did Jason just call me stupid? "I don't think it's stupid, exactly," I said.

  Jason made another hands-off gesture. "Bad choice of words," he admitted. "I'm just saying that Toby was never really that important to you, anyway, right?"

  Well . . . "I dated him for four years," I said. "So, I mean, he was kind of important."

  "But not as . . ." Jason trailed off. "Not as important as me?"

  "Of course not!" I said. "God, you're insecurity is getting to me!"

  "I'm not being insecure," Jason said, looking hurt. "I'm just trying to moderate this conversation between you and Lilith. So don't get pissed at me."

  It was hard to be mad at Jason. I bit my lip. "Sorry," I finally muttered.

  "Me too," he said. "Sometimes the Toby thing makes me defensive."

  I was the first and only person Jason had ever kissed, but I'd kissed Toby before Jason. We'd talked about it a few times. Jason felt a little threatened by the specter of Toby, even though he'd been, as mentioned, a really big jerk. I crossed to Jason and squeezed his hand. He kissed me on the forehead. I looked up into his huge, brown eyes. I melted.

  "Whoa," breathed Lilith.

  I snapped around to look at her. For a minute, I'd kind of forgotten she was there. "What?" I said.