Release Page 18

  Ariana put her hand on Winda’s. “Thank you. I was...I was scared.”

  Winda wiped tears out of her eyes.”You don’t have to talk about it.”

  “It seems like it’s getting worse,” Ariana said. “Right afterwards, I thought I was fine. I couldn’t remember it very well. And Risciter was only... He only did it for a few seconds before Keirth stopped him. But now, more and more of it keeps coming back to me, and I feel like I can’t think about anything else.”

  “Of course, you can’t,” said Winda. “You don’t have to sleep in here if you don’t want. You and I could sleep in the living room. Or if you want me to get Keirth—”

  “I don’t want you to go to any trouble for me,” said Ariana. “I’ll be fine. Risciter’s dead.” She thought of his dead, mangled body. “He can’t hurt me again.” If she could keep the light on, maybe she could chase it all away. She couldn’t spend the rest of her life afraid, could she? “It wasn’t as bad for me as it was for your sister. It was only a minute. It was less than...” But Ariana found herself suddenly dissolving into tears.

  Winda was hugging her, wiping tears away from her own eyes, and Ariana sobbed against her. She hadn’t cried since it happened, had she? It was good to let it all out, to let it go.

  Keirth appeared in the doorway to her bedroom. “Is everything okay?”

  Ariana looked up from Winda’s shoulder, trying to get her sobs under control.

  “Did we wake you?” Winda asked.

  “No,” said Keirth. He was across the room in a second, kneeling next to Ariana. “What’s wrong?”

  Winda rolled her eyes. “What do you think is wrong?”

  Keirth looked at the blanket on Ariana’s bed dully. “I wasn’t quick enough,” he muttered. “He killed them all, and he almost killed you.”

  Ariana touched Keirth’s cheek. He couldn’t blame himself. “Keirth, you saved me. I needed you to save me. Without you...”

  He gazed up into her eyes. His voice was soft. “Don’t be ridiculous, Ariana. You fought him off before. You saved me from the gellococcus. It was your brilliant ideas that made things work out on Trioth. You’ve never needed me.”

  Maybe he was right. Sort of right, anyway. She hadn’t done too badly. “But I messed up the hyperdrive. And I wasn’t going to fight him off that time. I couldn’t. He had me tied down. I couldn’t move, and I couldn’t do anything. I had to let him do whatever he wanted. I did need you then.”

  “If only I’d been quicker.” He shook his head.

  “If only I’d hit him harder on Kush,” Ariana said, her voice growing fierce.

  Keirth smiled a little. He was still staring into her eyes.

  Ariana felt Winda’s weight leave the bed. “Maybe I’ll leave you two alone,” she said, sliding out of the room.

  “He’s dead now, though,” said Ariana. “That’s what matters, right? Not how long it took or what we could have done better. And we survived.” And, she thought in wonder, it wasn’t all down to Keirth that they’d survived. She’d helped too. “We survived together.”

  He nodded. “We did.”

  And their lips came together like magnets. There was none of the desperation of the kiss back on Scranth. It was sweet and comforting. Keirth’s lips were soft and yielding against hers. They broke away from each other slowly, their faces lingering close.

  Keirth’s voice was in her ear. “Ariana, you don’t belong with someone like me. After everything you’ve been through—”

  She cut him off. “After everything I’ve been through, who else could I belong with?”

  He kissed her again.

  And they slept, only slept, together in her bed, Keirth’s burly arms wrapped tightly around her. Encircled by him, she felt safe and protected. She fell asleep easily, no thoughts of Risciter troubling her. And she didn’t dream.

  Chapter Fourteen

  None of them got out of bed until late the next day, when Gordic announced that because they were all hung over, they should spend the day watching vids and eating leftovers. This was fine with Keirth, who still felt slightly bewildered at the way things had turned out the night before. He certainly hadn’t gone into Ariana’s room with the intention of kissing her. Her crying had simply ignited his danger reflex. He’d gone to make sure she was safe. Which was important to him, he realized. Her safety.

  Then, somehow, he’d spent the night holding her. That had been nice, actually. Quite nice. He liked the way her small body fit against his. He liked being close to her. Keirth didn’t think he’d spent such a long time being that close to another human being since he was a kid. But he wasn’t sure what he’d done, exactly. He hadn’t compromised her virtue or anything, but he felt like there had been some kind of promise in what he’d done, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to make that promise.

  Now that he wasn’t pursuing revenge, he didn’t know what he wanted to do. However, even though Gordic and Winda seemed very happy together, he didn’t know if he could live the way they lived. Keirth had spent most of his life on the move, never staying in one place for too long. He didn’t know if he wanted to give that up. And he worried that whatever he’d done with Ariana meant that he had somehow promised her he would.

  Keirth wanted to get Gordic alone, to ask him more questions, like he had the night before, but the opportunity never presented itself. They really did spend the whole day watching vids—all sprawled out on couches in Gordic’s and Winda’s living room. Gordic and Winda went to bed earlier than Keirth and Ariana, leaving the two of them to sort out their sleeping arrangements.

  When the vid they’d been watching ended, Keirth and Ariana sat awkwardly on the couch, staring at the blank screen. Neither said anything for a long time.

  Finally, Keirth just blurted it out. “I don’t know if I want to live in one place like this.”

  Ariana seemed startled and confused by his words. “Like Gordic and Winda do?”

  “Yes,” said Keirth. “I’ve always been on the move. I like that.” He found himself glaring at her, as if daring her to contradict him or force him to do something different.

  But Ariana shrugged. “Well, I agree with you. My family had different estates on different planets, and staying in one place, when you’ve got the whole galaxy at your fingertips, seems kind of silly.”

  He let out a breath. She didn’t want to tie him to one place, did she? Well... Keirth felt himself deflating. All his worry was for nothing, in other words. He stood up from the couch. “Would you like me to stay with you again tonight?”

  She nodded.

  And soon they were tucked under the covers together again. She was in his arms, and she felt impossibly soft and impossibly fragile. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever wanted to keep someone safe quite so much, if he’d ever enjoyed being close to someone so much. “We’d need to make money somehow,” he whispered into her hair.

  “When?” she asked.

  “While we’re traveling the galaxy,” he said.

  She wriggled in his arms to face him. “You want me with you?”

  “Would I be sleeping in your bed and kissing you if I didn’t want you with me?”

  “Possibly,” said Ariana quietly.

  And he squeezed her tighter. “I am not one of those men.”

  “How did you make money before?”

  “Different things,” said Keirth. “Smuggling. Odd jobs.”

  “I think we should be smugglers,” pronounced Ariana. “The stories you and Gordic were telling sounded exciting.”

  “Exciting, but dangerous,” said Keirth.

  “That seems to be the way things work for us,” she said.

  He laughed and kissed her again. “Let’s think about some other options before we become criminals.”

  “We already are criminals. Aren’t we?”

  She was right, of course. They were quiet for several minutes.

  Then Ariana spoke up. “If we’re going to be together, do you want to make love now?”

>   And Keirth felt himself pulling away.

  “It’s just that you’re sort of...poking me, and I thought...”

  Yes, being close to her aroused him. But... “Not yet.”

  “Because you’re worried about me being confused?”

  “Because...” he floundered. The thought of having intercourse with any woman, even Ariana, terrified him. He wasn’t sure what to do, for one thing, and he felt that his brush with Risciter was recent in his memory. He flashed on the man with Ariana, and his erection immediately disappeared. He squeezed his eyes shut, banishing the image. He pulled Ariana close and kissed her forehead. “When it’s time for us to make love,” he said, “we’ll know.”

  * * *

  They spent nearly three weeks with Gordic and Winda, and Ariana found the time relaxing and recuperative, just as Keirth had told her she would. She helped Winda around the space station and Winda taught her a little about cooking, which Ariana had no experience with. She found that she actually quite liked it. It was like creating a painting or a work of art, picking spices instead of colors. The best part was that when you were done, you got to eat it. She watched Winda quilt as well, but found she had little desire to learn to do it. It seemed so difficult. But she assisted by cutting out pieces of fabric and doing some pinning. While she and Winda worked, they talked. Sometimes, they had long conversations about the things that Risciter had done to her and Winda’s sister’s experience that left them both in tears. Sometimes, they had giggling conversations about men. With each passing day, Ariana felt more whole. She gained confidence about her ability to handle life away from the sector and to fulfill her plans with Keirth.

  She and Keirth spent every night in the same bed, staying awake in the darkness and talking about what they would do. Keirth felt they would need to get rid of the ship they were currently using in case it had been identified. He seemed optimistic that with a different ship and a steady stream of various kinds of work, they could spend their time evading the authorities and roaming around the galaxy. To Ariana, it sounded like every day would be an adventure. And she wanted to be with Keirth as well.

  They still hadn’t gone much farther than kissing, and sometimes it filled Ariana with an ache for something more as she lay in the circle of his arms. But sometimes she was grateful. While she rarely thought of Risciter when she was with Keirth, one night, as they’d been furiously kissing, his hands had roamed over her body, and the way he’d caressed her breast had reminded her of Risciter’s running a knife over it. She’d felt completely frozen with fear and pushed Keirth away. He’d been sweet about it but seemed to take it as further evidence that they should take things even slower, which both relieved Ariana and frustrated her.

  Sometimes, when they were talking, he’d tell her about his mother or his childhood, and she realized that Keirth was almost as disturbed over the things Risciter had done as she was. They were quite a pair, weren’t they? Both virgins. Both traumatized about sex. Both completely clueless about how to proceed. But that too was comforting as well as frustrating.

  One night, over dinner, Keirth was sharing some of their ideas for making money with Gordic, not all of which were legal. Winda had gotten a little upset, saying she didn’t think they should be making plans to do things that were against the law. “You’re asking for trouble doing that,” Winda said.

  Keirth had pointed out that he was already a wanted criminal, although he wasn’t featured as prominently on the nets as he’d been when they arrived. Risciter’s death was quickly becoming old news.

  “About that,” said Winda. “You acted in self-defense, Keirth. And Ariana’s a witness to that. Maybe you should turn yourself in. You’d be acquitted.”

  Ariana was shocked. “He would not.” This was the first time she remembered actively disagreeing with Winda.

  “Why wouldn’t he?” said Winda. “You’re an eyewitness. You’d tell them what happened.”

  “They wouldn’t believe me.” Ariana was shaking.

  “Of course they would,” said Winda. “They’d have to. When you testify in court, you’re under oath.”

  “You’ve never been to the sector,” Ariana said. “You don’t understand the way it is. No one would believe that Risciter did the things he did. No one. And I...I couldn’t talk about it in front of a whole courtroom of people.” She imagined her parents and sister and Aunt Tildy staring at her while she explained what Risciter had done to her. In detail. No. No way.

  “But if you didn’t talk about it,” said Winda, “then Keirth would be convicted of a crime that isn’t his fault.”

  Keirth had ended the entire conversation by quietly stating he wasn’t going to turn himself in. He’d squeezed Ariana’s hand under the table and later he’d promised she’d never have to go through something like that, not for him.

  But it was clear that Winda didn’t approve of doing illegal things. A few days later, she proposed something completely different. She offered for Keirth and Ariana to work shipping her quilts. Currently, she said that they used independent contractors. Gordic would load up a ship full of quilts and take them to a rendezvous point where the shippers would pick them up and distribute them. She thought Keirth and Ariana could do a better job. Plus she liked the idea of seeing them. They would come back periodically to visit.

  Ariana liked the idea, but later when she and Keirth talked about it, he said that there were two big problems with it. One was that they still needed another ship, and the other was that, as legitimate shippers, they’d have to register their ship and their names with the authorities. But when he saw how disappointed Ariana seemed, he said he’d try to work something out. He went to Gordic the next day, and that night, he told Ariana what the plan was.

  Gordic still had some contacts from his days as a smuggler, although he didn’t advertise this to Winda. He had set something up with a man who could get them new identities, untraceable by the authorities. They’d do a job for this man, smuggling some weapons in the old ship. He’d pay them and give them the new identities. Then they’d use the money to buy a new ship and register it under their new names. They could then start shipping quilts for Winda and Gordic. Keirth wanted to do the smuggling alone. He was worried about Ariana’s safety. But she wouldn’t let him. She was excited about the prospect of doing something as crazy as smuggling weapons anyway, and she wanted in.

  So the two of them prepared for the job. Before Ariana knew it, they were waving goodbye to Winda and Gordic and boarding their ship again. They’d be back soon, and Ariana would be glad to see them, but she felt a strong pull to get back out into space, and she was glad to be travelling again.

  * * *

  Keirth was checking over the crates of guns in the cargo bay. They’d been in hyperspace for about a half hour, headed for the planet Eron. Ariana watched him. “There anything wrong with the guns?”

  Keirth shrugged, looking up from the crate. “Everything seems to be in order. I don’t know. Monthow seemed nervous to me. I got a kind of funny feeling, like something’s off.”

  Itrick Monthow was a short, fat man who was going a little bald. He’d paced and spit out instructions to them rapid-fire. “Here’s how it works. You take the guns to Eron. You get the money for the guns. You come back here. You take your percentage out of the take, and you give me the rest of the money. If everything seems square, I give you the papers with your new names then. Clear?”

  Keirth had tried to negotiate for Monthow to give them the papers before they left, but Monthow wouldn’t budge. He didn’t know them, hadn’t worked with them before, and despite the fact that Gordic vouched for them, he wanted insurance that they wouldn’t take his money and run. Or so he said. So they had to play it his way.

  “What could be off?” Ariana asked, coming over to peer into the crate of guns over Keirth’s shoulder.

  Keirth shook his head. “I don’t know. Nothing, I guess.” He shut the crate and turned to Ariana. “Maybe I’m the one who’s nervous. I m
ean, here I am, planning out the rest of my life with the daughter of a duke. This is not exactly what I thought my life would turn into.”

  “I make you nervous, Keirth?” Ariana teased.

  “Always, sweetheart.” He wrapped his arms around her waist and picked her up, settling her on the gun crate. Then he leaned down and kissed her.

  Ariana ran her hands over Keirth’s shoulders, thinking of the time they kissed in the ship, when touching him had been such a new experience. He was still so solid and firm under her fingertips. She ran her hands up and down his chest, comfortable touching him now.

  Keirth pulled back, gazing down at her, one hand on her cheek. “We’re really doing this, aren’t we?”

  “You don’t want to back out now, do you?” She grinned up at him. “Maybe I make you too nervous.”

  “Of course I don’t want to back out,” said Keirth. “Are you sure you don’t want to? You sure you want someone like me? Someone rough around the edges?”

  “Keirth, don’t be ridiculous. I’m in love with you, rough edges and all.”

  He rubbed his thumb gently against her jaw. “Yeah.” His voice was husky. “I’m in love with you too.” He pulled her to her feet. “Maybe it’s time to stop being nervous.” His eyes searched her own.

  She was right up against him, her hands in his. “Do you mean...?”

  He raised an eyebrow. “What do you think? You wanna make love in hyperspace?”

  Ariana felt a kind of giddy thrill go through her. Underneath, panic stabbed at her stomach. “Yes,” she said, but she couldn’t deny that the thought was scary in all kinds of big ways.

  They kissed again, but their kissing seemed a little sloppy, a little hurried, a little frightened.

  Ariana looked around the cargo bay. Did he mean to do it here? “Should we, um, go somewhere else?”

  “You mean like a bedroom or something?” he said. He wasn’t looking at her either. He was studying the gun crate.

  She looked at it. “Unless you want to do it on the crate?”

  His gaze snapped back to hers. “Uh, no. Let’s...” He tugged on her hand and led her out of the cargo bay.