Trembling Read online

  His eyes blazed. Wounded, I hung back. But then Lilith slid between the crowded bodies and moved close to Jason. She was holding two plastic cups. She gave one to Jason. He took it from her and took a large gulp. The two surveyed me.

  "Zaza," said Lilith. "You look like you might start crying. Are you okay?"

  God. I hated her. How could she pretend to be concerned when she was plotting against me?

  Jason laughed. "You should hear her latest paranoid delusion, Lil. She thinks you're working for the Satanists. She thinks you put that bell in her purse after you performed an invocation over her body to invoke the demon Azazel."

  Lilith's brow furrowed sympathetically. "Jesus, Zaza." She turned to Jason. "She's been under a lot of stress lately. She was nearly captured and then nearly raped. You shouldn't be too hard on her."

  I gaped at Lilith. "Don't play dumb," I said to her. "I know it's true."

  Lilith looked into her drink, pressing her lips together as if she were trying very hard to keep from saying something.

  "What's your plan?" I said to her. "You think if you seduce Jason that I'll feel betrayed and kill him?"

  "Jesus Christ!" Jason exclaimed. "You know I'd never do that."

  "I used to think you'd never say I was paranoid and delusional too," I spat out. "I used to think you'd never run off without telling me where you're going and come home covered in blood, too stunned to speak. I used to think all kinds of things about you, Jason Wodden. Now I'm not sure if I even know you."

  Jason rolled his eyes. "Screw this," he said. "I can't take this right now." He turned away from me and made his way into the crowd. Lilith started to follow him, but I darted forward and caught her by the arm.

  "No," I said. "You don't go with him. There's no way I'm letting you go off with him now."

  "You can't control Jason, you know," she said. "He's a big boy. He can do what he wants."

  "Yeah?" I said. "Well, he's not doing you. Not on my watch." I started for the door to the house, pulling Lilith with me. "You're coming with me," I said. "We're going to go talk to Hallam. We'll see what he thinks about this."

  Lilith struggled, but she walked with me. "I'm not going anywhere with you," she said. "You're going nuts. You're losing it Azazel. None of this is real. You realize that don't you? You're paranoid. Can't you see that you're paranoid?"

  "Maybe if I'd been a little more paranoid in Bramford, none of that shit would have happened," I retorted.

  I pulled her out the door and onto the porch. Once in the muggy night air, she wrenched her arm out of my grip.

  "Don't fool yourself, Azazel," said Lilith. "You didn't have any control over what happened to you in Bramford, just like you don't have any control over what's happening to you now. You're Azazel. The Vessel. The girlfriend of Jason. You're never going to get to choose what you want. Don't you realize that?"

  "What are you talking about?" I said. Because it almost sounded to me like she was admitting that I was right. She was a Satanist. She was controlling my destiny. "I know everything that's going on here. I can stop what's going on."

  "Well," said another voice, "not everything."

  I whirled, looking for the person who owned the voice.

  And I couldn't believe my eyes. Walking across the lawn to Rachel Kline's house were my two older brothers, Noah and Gordon. I hadn't seen the two of them since the ritual in Bramford, back in October.

  "Noah?" I gasped. "Gordon?" I looked at Lilith. "Why are they here?"

  But she looked just as surprised as I did. "I don't . . ." She shook her head.

  Noah and Gordon stopped in front of us, both grinning. Noah jammed his hands into his pockets. Gordon rubbed his chin. When I'd spoken to Chance earlier in the week, he'd said that they'd been planning to visit me. Was this that visit?

  "Hey Zaza," said Noah.

  "Lil' sis," said Gordon.

  Suddenly, everything clicked into place. "Oh," I murmured, covering my mouth with my hand. "It was you two. You two stole the bell and performed the ritual."

  Noah shrugged. "Well, yeah. After what happened to Mom and Dad, you didn't expect us to just give up, did you?"

  "Gotta say, though, we're kind of disappointed in you, Zaza," said Gordon. "You really haven't been living up to your potential. Why couldn't you have just cooperated in October and saved us all this trouble?"

  I shook my head. "So, you've been working with Michaela Weem or something?"

  "She was really shaken up when she saw the two of you in Shiloh," said Noah. "The things she said she saw . . . Seriously, Zaza. Don't you know that you should get your big brothers' approval before you start dating someone?"

  "We don't like this Jason guy at all. He's bad, bad news," said Gordon.

  "I'm never going to kill him," I said. "You two must understand that."

  They shrugged. "There's some stuff we want to show you," said Gordon.

  "You might change your mind," said Noah.

  "Never," I said.

  "Still," said Gordon, "we'd like you to come with us."

  "No way," I said. "You two helped. You two tried to set me up to get raped by Toby. I don't trust you. I don't care if you are my brothers."

  "You're talking like you have a choice," said Noah.

  Damn it. What did that mean? "So you're going to take me by force?" I asked. Where was a gun when I needed it?

  "If we have to," said Noah.

  "It would be easier if we didn't have to do that," said Gordon. "You could just come voluntarily."

  "What about me?" asked Lilith.

  "She'll probably just run off and tell Jason about us if we let her go," said Noah to Gordon.

  "Wait," I said. "Lilith isn't working with you?"

  "Lilith?" said Noah. "Come on, Zaza. I know she's your friend and all, but she's way too stupid to pull anything like that off."

  "Screw you," Lilith said darkly.

  I didn't think. I just moved. My hand darted out and grasped Lilith's. I broke out into a sprint, dragging her along.

  We ran across the lawn of Rachel Kline's house. Behind us, I heard both Noah and Gordon cry out in surprise.

  Lilith and I might have made it, even though she was slowing me down, her breath coming in gasps.

  But before we could get off the lawn and onto the sidewalk (where there were cars to hide in, maybe one with unlocked doors and keys inside) a familiar figure appeared in our path.

  "Jude!" I cried out in recognition and relief. "We have to get out of here. I'll explain later." I slowed as I approached him, glancing over my shoulder to see if Noah and Gordon were in pursuit.

  I didn't see them anywhere.

  Confused, I stopped, pulling Lilith to a stop next to me.

  Jude ambled over to us, his arms clasped behind his back. "What's going on?" he asked.

  "There are these two guys who were chasing us," I said, struggling to catch my breath. "I don't know where they went."

  "I don't see anyone," said Jude.

  I just shook my head. "We have to get out of here, anyway," I said. "They'll—"

  Jude took his arms out from behind his back. He was holding a baseball bat.

  "Jude?" I whispered.

  He raised the bat over his head. "Sorry, Azazel," he said.

  The bat came crashing down.

  And everything winked out, like birthday candles that had just been blown out.

  Part Two

  Is it like this

  In death's other kingdom

  Waking alone

  At the hour when we are

  Trembling with tenderness

  -T.S. Eliot, "The Hollow Men"

  Chapter Ten

  To: Edgar Weem

  From: Renegade Son

  Subject: Big problems

  Edgar,

  Azazel's disappeared. Jason's gone after her. I don't know where either of them are, and if I find out you've got anything to do with this, so help me.

  I still have an email that I could send out, yo
u know. To everyone in the Sons. With all of your secrets, emblazoned for all of them to see.

  Get me a secure, untraceable number, so that I can talk to you.

  You've got twenty-four hours.

  Hallam

  "She's not answering her phone!"

  The voice was tight with panic. I recognized the voice. I thought.

  "Chill out. Maybe she's away from the phone or has it turned off or something."

  That was Noah. Noah, my brother. If I could hear Noah talking, everything must be fine.

  "She wouldn't be away from her phone right now. There's no way. Something's not right," said the panicky voice. The familiar voice. Who did that voice belong to?

  It was dark. It was dark, and my head hurt.

  "Noah's right. You've got to calm down. I'm sure she's okay. She's been taking care of herself for quite some time. And she's not a weak woman. She's got spunk, you know?"

  Gordon. Both Gordon and Noah? Was it Christmas or something? Had they come home? Was I in my bed, early in the morning, listening to them talk to Mom and Da—

  No. Mom and Dad were dead.

  And it was dark because my eyes were closed.

  My eyes snapped open as it all came back to me. The party. Jude advancing on me with a baseball bat over his head. The pain. The pain in my head had to be because of that.

  I wanted to thrash about and scream, but I forced myself not to move so that I could assess my situation.

  I was lying on my side in the back of a speeding vehicle. It looked like the interior of a mini-van of some kind. The carpet was gray and mussed. The back seat had been removed. My hands were tied behind my back. My feet were similarly bound. Lilith was lying next to me, also tied up. Her eyes were closed. Maybe she was still out.

  I forced my breathing to stay steady and closed my eyes again. I didn't want them to know that I was awake. Maybe if I just listened, I could find out something useful.

  "Spunk?" the familiar voice was repeating. It was Jude, of course. "She could still be vulnerable. I'm worried."

  "We'll be at her house in fifteen minutes," said Gordon. "Sit tight. We'll check on her."

  Her house? Who was this woman they were talking about? Where were we going? I wished I had an idea of how long we'd been travelling. I'd been knocked out. How long did someone stay knocked out, usually? I didn't know. And for all I knew they'd drugged me in some way too. Had I had anything to drink at the party? I couldn't remember, but I did feel very groggy and disoriented.

  Similar to the way I'd felt the morning after the party on the beach actually.

  "She should have answered the phone a long time ago," Jude insisted.

  "Look, what is it you're worried has happened to her anyway?" Noah asked.

  "You said that Azazel was accusing Lilith of setting her up when you found her, didn't you?" Jude asked.

  "So?" said Noah.

  "On behalf of our coven, right?" said Jude.

  Coven. So Jude was a Satanist, was he? And I'd never suspected him. How stupid could I get really? Of all the people I could pick to trust, I had to pick the one working for the Satanists, didn't I? God.

  "Yeah, but big deal. Why does that matter?" asked Noah.

  "What if she told that theory to Jason?" asked Jude.

  "What if she did?" asked Gordon.

  "If she did, it would take Jason two seconds to connect the dots once Azazel disappeared," said Jude. "He'd know exactly where we were headed."

  He would? Then I should be able to figure it out, too, shouldn't I? Where would the Satanists take me?

  Bramford?

  Had I really slept through a fourteen-hour car drive? No, I didn't think we were headed to Bramford. That wasn't the center of Satanist activity, anyway. There was one person who'd be at the center of that.

  Michaela Weem.

  We were going to Shiloh. And Michaela Weem was the woman that they were trying to reach on the phone. I just knew it.

  "So what if Jason did figure it out?" asked Gordon. "We've got a head start on him. And what could he have possibly done, anyway?"

  "You really don't know anything about Jason, do you?" said Jude. "I'll never forget the night I saw him beat up this guy for saying something suggestive about Azazel. The look on his face. And the way he took that guy down. It was so precise. So deadly."

  Jude was right. Jason would be trying to protect me. He might already be with Michaela Weem. He was looking for me, even as I listened to them speak in the front of the van. I could count on Jason. He wouldn't let anyone hurt me. Just the thought of someone trying to molest me would throw him into a rage.

  Wait. I groped for thoughts, putting pieces together. I felt groggy. Jude was a Satanist.

  Oh, God. Jason had been right all along. Jude had put the damned bell in my purse. Jude had completed the ritual, along with Gordon and Noah. He must have drugged me the night of the party on the beach. Maybe he'd drugged me now.

  "I'm calling her again," said Jude.

  "You've called her like fifteen times," said Noah.

  "You need to calm down," said Gordon.

  If Michaela wasn't answering her phone, then maybe it did mean that Jason had found her. Jason would make Michaela tell him where Jude, Noah, and Gordon were holding me. Jason would swoop in and save me. Everything would be okay.

  "It's ringing," said Jude. "It's not just going to voicemail. I think that's a good sign."

  Jason would come after me, wouldn't he? I remembered the last time I'd seen Jason. His last words to me had been, "You're paranoid, and you need to get over it." He'd been really, really angry with me. What if he didn't come after me? What if he thought that I ran off with Jude? What if he simply didn't care anymore? All of this stuff with the Satanists was my fault, anyway. If Jason had never met me, he'd never have had to deal with them. The Sons were out of the picture, but the Satanists weren't. What if Jason just figured he was better off now?

  "Dammit," said Jude from the front of the van. "No answer."

  "I'm telling you, we're almost there," said Gordon. "Give it a few minutes. We'll see her."

  "I'd just feel better if I could talk to her first," said Jude. "I'm really starting to get worried."

  "Starting to?" Noah muttered.

  I opened my eyes again. What if Jason wasn't coming to save me? What was I going to do then? What did Jude, Noah, and Gordon want with me anyway? The last time I'd seen a group of Satanists, they'd wanted me to have sex with Toby and kill Jason. The last time I'd seen Michaela Weem, she wanted me to kill Jason. All things considered, they probably wanted me to kill Jason. But if that were the case, why were they taking me away from Jason? And please God, tell me that they weren't planning some kind of ritual sex with me. Please, God.

  They couldn't be, could they? Jude was gay. And Gordon and Noah were my brothers. Okay, we weren't actually blood related, but we'd grown up together. So, they wouldn't. I knew my brothers. I remembered all kinds of things that we'd done together as children, like the time that Noah had gotten a flat tire on Gordon's bike and enlisted my help to try to hide the bike from Gordon. When Gordon had found out, we'd played innocent, like we didn't know how the bike had gotten a flat tire, Gordon had—

  My thoughts were interrupted by the shrill ring of a cell phone.

  The ringtone cut off abruptly. "Mom?" said Jude's voice.

  Mom? Jude was getting calls from his mom? That was weird, wasn't it? I realized that in Florida, I'd never met Jude's parents. Was his mom calling him from Bradenton? Did his mom know he was a Satanist?

  "You," Jude's voice said, but it was angry and menacing now. Was he still talking to his mom? "What have you done with her? Let me talk to her."

  Wait. Did someone have Jude's mom?

  "Sure," said Jude. "I know where she is. I have her, in fact."

  He had her? He had his mom? I was really, really confused.

  "No," said Jude. "No, absolutely not. No deal."

  "Who are you talking to?" asked Noah.
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  My sentiments exactly. Who was Jude talking to?

  Jude ignored Noah. "If you hurt her . . ." He paused. "Well, of course I'm not going to hurt Azazel."