Frenzy Read online

  Levi lifted his head out of his hands. “Molly. Calm down.”

  “Calm down? My life is over.”

  “It’s not,” he said. “It’s just a pill.”

  “What if they kill us?”

  “They aren’t going to kill us.”

  “How do you know?”

  He didn’t answer. He rubbed his face. “It’s just a pill,” he whispered, but it sounded like he was talking to himself more than he was talking to me. “It’ll be fine. It wears off. Six hours, and I’ll be back to normal.”

  “Oh,” I said. “I forgot that you never do this.”

  He looked up at me. “I do it. I mean, I have done it. It’s been a while, that’s all.”

  “How long?”

  He shrugged. “A few years.” He took a shaky breath. “Uh, how long does it take to kick in?”

  “A while,” I said. “Do you think they dosed us so that we’d be helpless if they wanted to kill us?”

  “Molly, stop talking about us getting killed.”

  “I guess that doesn’t make sense. I mean, we were pretty helpless before. They jumped you and beat you up, and you couldn’t stop them, so—”

  “Would you stop bringing that up?” He glared at me.

  “Not that you could have,” I said. “There were more of them than you. There’s no way that you could possibly have taken them all. And, you know, you’re not that kind of guy.”

  He was still glaring at me. “What kind of guy?”

  “A big, tough…” I trailed off. Maybe what I was saying was kind of offensive. “Um, anyway, you tried, though. You really held your own for a few minutes there from what I remember.”

  He let out a huge sigh. “How long does it take to kick in?”

  “Maybe a half hour,” I said. “Longer if you have lot of food in your stomach.”

  “Okay,” he said softly. “Okay. I can handle this.”

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  I took a deep breath, and it felt so good. “Oh shit,” I murmured. “Do you feel that, Levi?”

  He was sitting on the stack of pallets, digging his fingers into his chin. He gazed at the floor, his expression fierce.

  I shut my eyes. I was definitely feeling this. The pill was kicking in, and it felt amazing.

  Even though I’d rolled a few days ago, the soft fingers of pleasure were peeling back the harsh edges of reality, making everything bright and beautiful. I let out a moaning breath. “Shit.”

  My heart was speeding up. It wasn’t pounding, not in an unpleasant way, but it was elevated. With every heart beat, pulsing bliss rolled through me, making me feel light and airy. I opened my eyes. I let out another breath.

  “Jesus, Molly, you sound like you’re having an orgasm over there.” Levi’s voice was harsh.

  “You don’t feel it?” I asked.

  “I feel…” He raked his nails over her his chin and neck. He rolled his head on his shoulders.

  I began to rub my arms.

  “Yeah, I feel it,” he said. He sounded afraid, but there was an edge of enjoyment in his voice as well.

  “It’s okay,” I said. “At least, when they kill us, we’ll be happy.”

  He shut his eyes. “Damn it,” he muttered.

  The door burst open. Chase sauntered into the room. “Well, hey there, ho there, kids. How are you feeling?”

  I tried not to smile at Chase. I really did. I hated him, and I didn’t want him to think that I was happy. But the thing about rolling was that it made me smile all the time, and I couldn’t stop the corners of my mouth from tugging upwards.

  Chase grinned back. “Oh, you’re feeling it, aren’t you?”

  “Are you just going to keep us in here?” I said. “If we’ve got to be dosed up, could we have some music? Maybe some gum?”

  He laughed. “Maybe I’ll just make you grind your teeth down to nubs, sweetheart.”

  “Don’t call me that,” I said. I chewed on my lip. “Are you going to kill us?”

  “What?” Chase laughed.

  “Don’t kill us,” I said. “I know that Big Jimmy has this reputation for burying anyone that crosses him, but we really don’t have anything against you guys.”

  Chase’s eyes narrowed. “What did you just say?”

  “I said that Big Jimmy—”

  Chase crossed the room to me. He snatched me by the chin and stared into my eyes. “Why would you call him that? No one calls him that except…”

  Levi wandered over. “Who’s Big Jimmy? And why are you touching Molly?”

  “Big Jimmy’s the boss,” I said. “You know, the head of the O’Shaunessy family?”

  “James O’Shaunessy?” said Levi.

  Chase let go of me. He turned to Levi. “Molly? Did you call her Molly? Molly Colligan?”

  Oh shit. He’d figured it out.

  “Yeah, that’s her name,” said Levi. “I really don’t think you should touch her. I’m not feeling like I could really hit anyone right now, but—”

  Chase let out a nervous laugh. “Hit anyone? Don’t be ridiculous.” He patted Levi on the shoulder. “No hitting here. Everything’s completely cool.”

  “It is?” I said. Man, I should have told him who I was earlier.

  Chase turned to me, a big smile plastered on his face. “Look, we don’t want any trouble or anything. Why don’t you guys, just, uh, go on home now and enjoy that primo X that I just laid on you. As a gift. Which is what you should tell your father it was, if he should ask.” He looked terrified.

  Levi looked confused. “What’s going on?”

  “We can go?” I said.

  “Oh, yeah,” said Chase. “You guys go. You know, on second thought, maybe there’s no reason to talk to your father at all. I mean, no one wants a repeat of the nineties, right?”

  “No,” I said, feeling powerful. “No one does. And if you don’t want me to talk to my dad, then you need to answer me one question.”

  “What?” Chase’s eyes were wide.

  I’d meant to ask him about Cori, but at that minute, a wave of intense pleasure washed over me. I gasped, my legs buckling under me.

  Chase caught me. “You okay?”

  I giggled. “Yeah, I’m great.”

  “I’ll get you two a ride home.” Chase looked confused. “Why didn’t you say something? Why’d you let me think you were a cop?”

  “I thought you were going to kill me.” I reached out and caressed his face. “You’re really very beautiful, did you know that?” I turned to Levi. “Don’t you think so?”

  Levi raised his eyebrows. “You know, now that you mention it…”

  Chase pushed me away. “You guys just need a nice car ride home. Maybe some champagne? Some weed?”

  “Oooh, weed, “ I said, grinning. “And menthol cigarettes. That would be awesome.”

  * * *

  I lay back against the seat in the limousine, giggling. “Champagne feels funny in your nose.”

  “Does it?” said Levi, taking the bottle from me. He took a drink and then made a face at me. “It does.”

  I dissolved in laughter.

  He snickered.

  “Oh my god, Levi, this stuff is really good,” I said. “I am rolling so hard.” I considered. “I wonder if it’s because I took all that 5 HTP yesterday? But then why was I so depressed today?”

  “Molly, we need to be serious,” said Levi, struggling to keep a straight face.

  I laughed.

  “No,” he said. “It’s not funny.”

  But we both started giggling again.

  “Seriously,” he said, still cracking up, “we need to figure out where we are, where they took us, so that we can find some way back here.” He sat up and looked out the window.

  I drank more champagne. “Where are we?”

  “I don’t know,” he said. “It’s very dark out there. And there are… trees and things.” He started laughing again.

  “What kind of trees?”

  “Dark trees.” He s
at back against the seat. “Fuck it.” He took another drink of champagne. “Hey, why’d he let us go? Who’s your dad?”

  I took the champagne bottle back from him. “I don’t want to talk about that.”

  “Well, it’s kind of important, don’t you think? I know that you said that you were going to make your dad fix the problem with Professor X before, but I didn’t think you meant… Who’s your dad?”

  I drank more champagne. “I just want to feel good. Can’t we just feel good?”

  He closed his eyes. “Oh, that’s definitely happening.”

  I twisted to look at him. “Is this weird for you? Being high?”

  He kept his eyes closed. “A little bit. I, uh, don’t like being out of control, you know? It makes me nervous. Funny thing is, it’s kind of hard to feel nervous right now.”

  I laughed. “Yeah, ecstasy does that. You pretty much only feel good feelings.”

  “It’s not exactly a bad thing, I have to admit.”

  I grinned.

  The partition that separated us from the driver in the limo rolled down. “Hey,” called the driver. “Where’s your house again, man?”

  Levi’s eyes snapped open. “Uh, no, you don’t have to go all the way to my house. Just drop us at the edge of town. We can walk from there.”

  * * *

  We stood on the corner of the sidewalk. It was cold. I hunched into my coat. “I’m freezing.”

  “Sorry,” said Levi. “I didn’t want him to know where I lived. Anyway, you can go back to your dorm now, if you want.”

  I raised my eyebrows at him. “Are you kidding? You want me to go roll all by myself? In my dorm?”

  “Well…”

  “I’m coming to your place,” I said.

  “That’s not a good idea, Molly.”

  “Why isn’t it? We’re both fucked up. We should stick together. Plus, you’re all freaked out about rolling, and I’ll help you get through it.”

  He squeezed his eyes shut and opened them. “It’s a bad idea because, right now, every time I look at you, all I can think about is how you might be the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, and how much I just want to…”

  “What?” I said.

  He grabbed the front of my coat and pulled me against him.

  His lips found mine, searing euphoria through me. Hot waves of paradise assaulted my body, and I held onto him for balance as we stood there on the street. Our lips were touching, our tongues entwined, and I was awash in a sea of rapture—both from the drug and from his closeness.

  He pulled away, letting out a noisy breath. “That. If you come back to my house, then I’m going to want to—”

  I cut him off by kissing him again.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Levi lay on his back on the floor of his living room. The lights were dim, and I’d put on a playlist on Spotify of appropriate music to underscore our experience. It kept getting interrupted by ads, which were annoying, but there wasn’t much we could do about it. Levi’s own music collection was woefully small and full of stuff that hadn’t been popular since I was in middle school.

  I was swaying in front of his entertainment center—not really dancing, just moving slowly to the music, letting the sound of the treble and bass reverberate through my being, speak to every atom of my body.

  “You look awesome,” said Levi.

  “So do you,” I said, twirling.

  He grunted. “Come here.”

  “No,” I teased, swaying my way over to the other side of the room.

  “Why not?”

  “Come get me,” I said, grinning.

  He chuckled, low and deep in his throat. “That what you want?”

  “Uh huh.” I kept moving, undulating my hips.

  Levi sprang to his feet and came after me.

  I let out a little scream—half in delight, half because I was startled. I started to run.

  He chased me.

  I was giggling, trying to evade the furniture as I ran from him.

  But I wasn’t fast enough, and he tackled me.

  We landed on the couch, him on top of me.

  I twisted under his body so that I faced him. I could feel the pressure of him every place that we touched. All those spots were tiny sparks of pleasure.

  Then he was kissing me again, deep, deep kisses that seemed to go all the way to my soul.

  His lips moved from my mouth to my jaw, to my ear, to my neck.

  I moaned, heaving under him.

  He moved off of me. “Damn it.”

  I sat up. “I wish you would stop being like that. It feels good to kiss. Why do you think it’s bad?”

  “It feels good because we’re on drugs, Molly.”

  “It would feel good even if we weren’t.”

  He rubbed his temples. “It’s just that it’s really hard to be around you right now and not touch you. That’s all.”

  “I feel the same way.” I reached out to run my fingers over his upper arm, feeling the muscles of his bicep underneath his shirt. I loved the warmth of him. The firmness.

  He groaned.

  “That feel good?” I said.

  “Uh huh.”

  I straddled him, pushing him back into the couch and putting my hands all over him. I traced the outline of his pecks through his shirt. I caressed his arms. I let my fingertips glide over his neck and chin.

  He sighed, closing his eyes, surrendering to me.

  He put his hands on my hips, and then let them slide up over my rib cage, stopping just at the swell of my breasts.

  I sucked in breath in anticipation.

  His eyes opened slowly. “We shouldn’t do this.”

  “It’s because you don’t want to date me or something, right? You know what, I don’t care right now. Right now, everything feels amazing, and if this doesn’t mean anything, I’m fine with that. Just tell me. I think that the whole thing with Wyatt was so difficult because he kept saying stupid things like we were meant to be together or something.”

  Levi winced. “Do not talk about Wyatt while your thighs are wrapped around me, please.”

  I laughed. “Sorry.”

  He kissed me again, his hands roaming over my back, over the swells of my hips, sending little thrills traveling through me.

  He broke the kiss. He groaned.

  I sighed.

  He rested his head against my chest. “It isn’t about what I want. It’s about what has to be.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I can’t be involved with you like this. It isn’t right.”

  “Why isn’t it right?”

  “I can’t… I can’t talk about that.”

  I buried my hands in his hair, massaging his scalp.

  “Jesus,” he grunted. “It’s amazing how good that feels.”

  “I know, right?” I kept doing it.

  He dug his fingers into my waist. His face moved against me, his mouth finding the sensitive skin above my clavicle. “You are so perfect,” he whispered.

  Delight surged through me, so intense that it almost brought tears to my eyes.

  In the background, the music rose to meet our passion, bright synthesizer chords holding sustained notes of elation.

  And then the song stopped.

  An ad came on for Walgreen’s.

  We let go of each other.

  “Fucking Spotify,” I said. “You should just pay for the no-ads version, and you can cancel it next month.”

  “No,” he said, taking a big breath. “It’s a good thing. We were getting lost again. You just need to go over there.” He pointed.

  I stuck out my lower lip. “I don’t get why you’re being like this.”

  “Seriously, Molly.” He pushed me off him, disentangling our legs.

  The ad ended and the music came back on.

  He got off the couch and walked to the other side of the room. “This is like the worst kind of torture. I wish you’d go back to your dorm.”

  That would have hurt
my feelings if I hadn’t been rolling so hard. “No, you don’t. You don’t want me to leave.”

  He turned to look at me. “That’s the hell of it. I really don’t. You’re different than the other girls I’ve met on this campus. You’re not a typical rave kid. It’s not all about this for you.”

  “This?”

  “Getting high,” he said. “Girls like Jill, it seems like they live from one roll to the next. Even Cori got like that sometimes. Like she was only existing to get more ecstasy.”

  I thought about earlier in the day, how it had seemed like the world had fallen apart. Was I turning into someone who only cared about ecstasy? I hoped not. But I also didn’t really want to think about it right now.

  “No, you’re deep,” he said to the carpet. “You have all this stuff going on. You care about Cori even though you never met her. You’re dedicated. You’re brave. You faced up to Chase even though you thought he was going to hurt you. And you’re driven. I think that’s what it is. You’re so intent on finding Cori’s killer, even though the odds are stacked against you being able to manage it. But you don’t give up. And that’s why I feel so drawn to you. I understand that kind of drive.”

  “Because you’re driven to sell drugs?”

  He laughed. “Of course, that’s what it looks like. That’s what it’s supposed to look like.”

  I was confused. “Are you driven to do something else?”

  “Let’s stop talking about this,” he said. “Let’s find something else to do.”

  I started to get off the couch.

  He held up his hand. “Not kissing.”

  I pouted for a minute. Then I had an idea. “I know! We have cigarettes. Smoking cigarettes on E is the coolest thing ever.” I pulled the pack of menthols that Chase had given me out of my pocket.

  * * *

  Levi’s head was in my lap. We were on the tail end of the roll, and we were smoking a joint in his living room.

  Levi puffed on it. “Damn, it’s been a long time since I smoked weed.” He handed the joint to me.