Falter Read online

  Only for a few seconds, though. Then he pushed Jude’s arm away, sputtering. “That is fucking awful.”

  “You get used to it,” I said. I didn’t like the taste at first either. It kind of grew on me, like the taste of whiskey or something. “You should try more.”

  “No.” Jason wiped at his mouth. “I think I’m going to throw up.”

  “You can’t,” I said.

  But he leaned over and retched, and it all came back up, including our breakfast from the morning. Everything was really bloody, and I wasn’t sure if it was Jude’s blood or if Jason was bleeding internally somewhere.

  Jude got up. “Well, I guess now we know that doesn’t work.”

  Jason collapsed against the tree trunk. “Fuck, that hurt.”

  I covered my face with my hands. What were we going to do?

  * * *

  We got Jason back on his feet a while later, but he couldn’t manage more than a few feet before he couldn’t hold himself up. So, we ended up spending the afternoon in the woods, Jason resting against another tree trunk.

  When it started to get dark, Jude volunteered to go looking around for a car we might be able to steal, or an easy way out of the woods, or some kind of food, or anything to make our situation a little bit better.

  While he was gone, I stayed close to Jason, who was in and out of consciousness. He’d lost a lot of blood, and he was still bleeding. I held his hand and told him that everything was going to be okay.

  I was afraid. The forest began to become colder. I could hear the sounds of crickets in the distance, of other animals moving through the woods, calling to each other, looking for prey. I felt exposed and vulnerable.

  We needed to do something for Jason. The leaves weren’t going to wear off until tomorrow, and he wasn’t healing at all. If a gunshot wound like this could kill a person in twenty-four hours, then Jason was in danger.

  He didn’t look good.

  And I couldn’t handle being alive without him.

  I squeezed his fingers tightly. “I guess we’re spoiled, baby,” I whispered to him. “We’re so used to being invincible that we’ve forgotten how fragile we actually are.”

  Then I realized I was telling him that he was fragile, and I didn’t want him to get any negative messages from me. His eyes were closed, and he wasn’t responding, so he probably couldn’t hear me anyway, but he might hear it in his dreams.

  “You’re going to be okay, Jason,” I said. “You’re going to be just fine.”

  I rested my forehead against his. I closed my eyes. He would be okay. He had to be. I wouldn’t let him go. I’d fight everything on earth to keep him. He was my Jason, and I wouldn’t lose him.

  He moaned.

  I moved back. “Jason?”

  His eyes opened. “Was I sleeping?”

  “You’ve been in and out.”

  He tried to shift position, but cried out instead. “God damn, how can that hurt that much?” He was breathless from it.

  “Don’t move,” I said. “Just… rest.”

  He swallowed. “I’m kind of in a bad way here, aren’t I?”

  “You just need to hang on until the herb wears off,” I said. “You’ll be fine as soon as you can heal.”

  “Yeah, but what if I don’t have that long?”

  “You do,” I said. “It’s just a gun shot. You’re fine.” I was feeling close to tears.

  He pulled aside the blood-soaked t-shirt on his stomach and looked at his wound. “I think it’s getting infected.”

  “It can happen that fast?”

  He grunted. “So, if I die, Azazel, you have to make sure that Chance—”

  “Stop it.”

  “I should tell you something,” he said. “I did something. Something really bad, and if I’m going to die, maybe I should tell you.”

  “Jason, for fuck’s sake, I don’t care what bad things you did, don’t you get that? I love you. And you’re not dying. Just stop saying that.”

  “She had red hair,” he mumbled. “I picked her because of that. I didn’t mean for it to…” He winced, letting out a painful breath. “Kind of hurts to talk.”

  “Maybe you should stop then.” I didn’t think I wanted to know about some redhead girl and what really bad thing he’d done to her. Sometimes, it was easier not to know. Why couldn’t he understand that?

  He looked up at the sky, darkening behind the leaves of the trees.

  I lay my head on his shoulder. I ran my fingers over his chin and chest. “You didn’t have sex with her, did you?”

  “No,” said Jason. “But I—”

  “Okay,” I said. What would he think if he knew what I’d done with Jude?

  As if on cue, Jude came tramping through the underbrush and dead leaves.

  I sat up. “Did you find anything?”

  He spread empty hands. “The woods just goes on and on. I got turned around or something, maybe, ‘cause I couldn’t even find the road.”

  “Oh,” I said.

  He settled down on the ground, sitting Indian style. He rubbed his bare arms. “Getting chilly, though, huh?”

  “I’m sorry about your shirt,” I said.

  “It’s okay,” said Jude. “How you holding up, Jason?”

  Jason tried to shrug but cringed. “I’m—”

  “Not supposed to talk if it hurts,” I said.

  Jason groaned.

  “Shit,” said Jude. “He doesn’t look good.”

  “He looks fine,” I insisted. “He’s going to be okay. He just needs to hold on until morning.” I squeezed his hands. “Okay, baby? Just hold on.”

  Jason closed his eyes.

  Jude looked away.

  It got darker.

  After some time, Jason’s breath grew steady, even though it was a little labored.

  The woods were very dark. The only light came from the stars overhead. And the air was cold.

  Jason shivered against the tree trunk. I huddled close to him, trying to warm him up. But when I did, I realized he was warmer than I was. Was his wound infected? Did he have a fever?

  Jude was a dark, silent outline. He didn’t speak.

  But I saw him shivering as well.

  I didn’t say anything for a while, but eventually, I couldn’t help it. “Jude, come here.”

  “What?”

  “You’re cold. We’re all cold. We need body heat.”

  “Oh.” He sounded startled. “No, that would probably be a bad idea.”

  “I know,” I said. “But it’s cold. Last week, when it got dark, it was close to freezing. So get over here.”

  He shuffled through the leaves to me.

  I held my breath. I could handle this. It would only be for warmth. It wouldn’t be anything other than that. It wouldn’t make me think about anything other than that.

  He hesitated, close to me but not touching me. “I don’t know.”

  I didn’t know either. “It’s okay, Jude.”

  And then his arms came around me.

  I let out a shuddering breath. And it all flashed in front of me, the whole sordid show. Tearing off each other’s clothes, our mouths on each other’s skin, our bodies crashing into each other. Him. Inside me.

  I wanted to rip my skin off.

  Instead, I pressed myself close to Jason.

  His body was inert. But it was warm and familiar. Jude was warm too. But foreign and frightening. I could smell him, and it reminded me of what we’d done.

  I was pressed between the two of them, Jason on one side, Jude on the other.

  I could handle this.

  I had to handle this.

  “You’re warm.” Jude spoke in a ragged whisper.

  I gulped. “So are you.”

  We were both breathing a little bit heavily. Jude was close to me, close enough that I could feel his heart beating furiously. He was excited that we were close.

  Or maybe just nervous.

  Either way, it made me feel soiled. I didn’t want him
to want me. I wished he would turn that off.

  I shied away from him.

  “Don’t worry, Azazel,” he said. “I wouldn’t do anything with him lying there with us. I’m not an animal. Not like he is.”

  I forced myself to relax. “He’s dying, Jude. Can you stop insulting him for two seconds?”

  And then I felt bad because I’d said it out loud, and I was afraid Jason had heard me subconsciously.

  “He’s strong, Zaza. He’s going to be okay.” Jude touched my face. “Don’t worry.”

  I knew he meant to be comforting, but I caught his hand. “Don’t do that.”

  He sighed heavily. “I was only—”

  “You have to understand, Jude, that when I think about what happened between us, it’s like remembering being violated.”

  His body went stiff. “But I didn’t force—”

  “I don’t blame you,” I said. “But I wish it never happened.”

  He laughed bitterly. “Of course that’s what you’d wish.”

  “I want to go to sleep. Okay?”

  He didn’t say anything else.

  But I lay awake for a long time, warmed by both of their bodies, feeling them both against me.

  * * *

  I awoke to the crash of thunder. It was loud, like it was happening right next to my head.

  I tried to sit up, but Jude’s body was draped over mine. I pushed him off.

  Wind was whipping the trees around. It sounded like a freight train was rumbling through the forest. This was a violent storm, and it was coming for us.

  “It’s gonna start raining,” said Jude. “We need to find shelter.” He had to yell to be heard over the wind.

  I knew he was right, but I didn’t know what we were going to do. I shouted back at him, “You said there wasn’t anything around.”

  “I didn’t see anything,” he said, “but I headed back toward the road. I didn’t go further into the woods.”

  I looked down at Jason. He was still asleep. I shook him. “Jason, wake up.” I looked up at Jude. “He’s not going to be able to walk.”

  Jude knelt down and moved one of Jason’s arms around his neck. “He’s going to have to.”

  I followed suit.

  Together, Jude and I stood up, pulling Jason to his feet between us. Jason woke up, yelling in pain.

  “Sorry, baby,” I said. “But there’s a bad storm coming. We have to get to shelter.”

  “You’re going to have to walk,” said Jude.

  Jason groaned.

  It was slow going. We half-dragged, half-carried Jason through the woods. He hardly seemed to be able to hold himself up. But we pushed forward, through the whipping wind, with lightning splashing the world white and thunder scraping overhead.

  I’m not sure how long we walked, but eventually, we saw a cabin nestled underneath the trees. It was a tiny, ramshackle thing, and it hardly looked like it could stand against the storm. A light was burning in the window. It was the best we were going to get.

  We stumbled to the door.

  Jude knocked.

  The door opened. A young woman stood there. She couldn’t have been much older than twenty. She was very thin, and her red curly hair overtook her body.

  “Listen, ma’am—” began Jude.

  I pulled out my gun and waved it in her face. “Let us in.”

  Jude glared at me. “What the hell, Azazel?”

  But the woman moved away from the door, fear in her eyes. “Whatever you need.”

  We stepped into the cabin. It was made up of one large room. In the center was a wood stove. On one wall, there were several bunks. There was a sink and refrigerator against one wall.

  “Who is it, Mommy?” said a small voice.

  There was a little girl sitting on the bottom bunk. Her hair was just as red as her mother’s.

  “Be quiet,” said the woman. “Katie, don’t move.”

  I put my gun away, sighing. “Look, lady, we need someplace to wait out the storm. Tomorrow, we’ll be out of your hair.”

  She backed away from me, sitting down on the bed and pulling the little girl into her arms. They both looked at me with wide, fearful eyes.

  Well, they weren’t stopping us from doing anything, were they? I motioned with my head to Jude, and we walked Jason over to the other side of the cabin. There we set him down, propping him up against the wall.

  And then I heard the distinct sound of rain on top of the roof—loud and pelting. We’d made it inside just in time.

  “Do you have an extra blanket?” I asked the woman.

  She only pulled the little girl closer.

  Fine. I’d take things myself, then. I went over to the bunks. The woman shied from me. I pulled blankets off the top bunk. “Jude, see if there’s food.”

  Jude was still standing next to Jason. “We can’t come in here and rob these people at gunpoint.”

  I rolled my eyes at him. “We’re doing it, aren’t we? I’m hungry. See if there’s food.” I took the blankets back to Jason.

  But Jude didn’t listen to me. He went to the woman. “I’m really sorry about this. We should never have barged in on you the way we did. We’re not going to take anything from you that you don’t give us. We’ll stay right over on that side of the cabin. You can ignore us, and we’ll leave as soon as the storm passes.”

  Okay, if that was the way Jude was going to be… I sat down next to Jason. I was exhausted.

  “What’s your name?” Jude asked.

  The woman didn’t say anything.

  “I’m Jude.” He pointed. “That’s—”

  “No,” I said. “You can be an idiot and tell her your name, but leave us out of it.” I pointed to Jason and me.

  Jude sighed. “Look, we won’t hurt you, I promise.”

  “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Jude,” I said. I pulled one of the blankets over my body and Jason’s. There. That was better than being outside under a tree, that was for sure.

  “Mommy, it’s them,” said the little girl.

  “Shh,” said the woman. “I told you to be quiet.”

  I sat up straight. “What did she mean?”

  “Nothing.” The woman shook her head furiously.

  “You know who we are?” I asked.

  “Imri’s looking for you,” said the woman. “You’re killers. You been after us in the town. Hunting us down.”

  What? I had no idea what this woman was talking about. Unless everyone in this town worked for the blood ring, which I guessed would make sense, considering they all seemed to know who we were. “Who’s Imri?” I said.

  She wouldn’t meet my gaze. “Imri’s going to stop you,” she whispered.

  This woman and her daughter probably weren’t a threat, but they didn’t seem to trust us. I was going to keep an eye on them.

  “We’re not killers,” said Jude. “I know that when we came in, we scared you. But we don’t make a habit of hurting people.”

  The woman laughed, a jeering sound. “You tell that to Todd McKay. You tell that to Jenna, Tim, Henry, Phil, Lucy, and Ross. They were all alive a few days ago, and now they’re gone.”

  “We were only defending ourselves,” I said. “Your people tried to kill us.”

  “Todd?” she said. “Todd never tried to kill you.”

  “He did,” I said. “He shot the girl I was with. A young girl. Do you know where she is?”

  “Imri’s got her,” said the woman.

  I shoved aside the blankets and walked across the room. “Where’s Imri?”

  “I ain’t telling you that,” she said. “I ain’t telling you anything.”

  I pulled my gun back out. I put it up against her head. “Where’s Imri?”

  She started to shake. “Please. Please, not in front of my little girl.”

  “Tell me where Imri is, and I won’t,” I said.

  Jude grabbed my arm. “Azazel, stop it.”

  I shook him off. “Thanks for telling her my name, Jude.�
��

  The woman’s voice shook. “He lives outside of town, out Shannon road. That’s where his farmhouse is. I guess that’s where he is.”

  “And he’s got the girl with him?” I said. “The girl that Todd tried to kill?”

  “I don’t know if she’s in the house,” said the woman.

  I nodded. “Guess we’ll find out then. Have to wait the storm out.” I turned to Jude. “You get some sleep. I’ll watch the woman and the girl.”

  “Watch them?” said Jude. “You gonna kill them?”

  “Not if they cooperate,” I said.

  He shook his head at me. “I can’t believe you’re threatening a woman and a child. I’m not going to sleep. I can’t trust what you’ll do when I’m out.”

  I shrugged. “Suit yourself.” Still watching the woman and the little girl, I eased my way over to the kitchen area of the cabin and opened the cabinets. There were cans of food up there. I selected a can of chili, found myself a small saucepan, and set about heating it up on the woodstove.

  Jude called me a thief, but I didn’t care what he thought. That didn’t stop him from taking a bowl of it when it was finished.

  I managed to rouse Jason to get him to eat a little bit of food. I wasn’t sure whether it would be good for him to eat or not. I didn’t know what the gunshot had damaged. If it was his stomach or something, then maybe he’d be better off without eating. On the other hand, maybe he’d need energy to heal himself when the effect of the leaves wore off.

  Jason’s eyes fluttered open, and he stared across the cabin at the woman. She was still on the bunk, the little girl with her. They both looked frightened.

  “Patience,” said Jason in a grating voice. “Patience, you got to drink this. Wake up.”

  “Jason,” I said. Who the fuck was Patience? “You need to eat.”

  He swung dull eyes at me. “We weren’t supposed to wake up.”

  He wasn’t himself. He was talking about our coma. It was a feeling we both had sometimes. That we should have stayed in the coma. I stroked his hair. “Shh, it’s okay.”

  I spooned some chili into his mouth.

  He ate, but he kept watching the woman across the cabin.

  * * *

  ~jason~

  I woke up in pain. Bright morning light was streaming in through the windows of a cabin. I barely remembered coming in here last night. I’d been glad not to be walking anymore. I looked around at my surroundings. Jude was sprawled out on the floor, asleep. Azazel was sitting in front of the bunks, clutching her gun. But her chin was resting against her chest, and she looked asleep too.