Falter Read online

  “Bye,” she said brightly. She didn’t hug me either.

  Jerkily, I turned away from her. I walked down the hall.

  “Love you,” she said, but her voice sounded too high-pitched.

  “Love you too,” I said. I didn’t turn around, though. I just kept walking.

  * * *

  ~azazel~

  I watched Jason go, a lump forming in the back of my throat. Could he tell how strangely I was acting? He must realize something was wrong. But he seemed to be okay with it, and he’d said he was going to help us out here with the vampires.

  That was what I’d wanted.

  It was a very good thing now, too. He’d be here. I wouldn’t have to be alone with Jude again.

  I pushed thoughts of Jude out of my head and went into the main meeting room. Boone had several computers spread out over the table. He looked up and saw me. “What?”

  Why did he sound so hostile?

  Oh, right. The last time I’d seen him, I’d made him mad because of Grace. “Look, I’m sorry about what I said earlier.”

  “Are you?” He glared at me. “What’s your problem, anyway? Why are you obsessed with trying to make me get together with Grace?”

  I plopped down across the table from him. “I shouldn’t. It’s none of my business. I mean, you probably don’t like her anyway. You managed to never give in to the aphrodisiac the whole time you were locked up downstairs. And if you’d been attracted to her at all—”

  “That wasn’t easy,” said Boone. “You were there. You remember.” He gave me a funny look. “Why would you bring that up?”

  Why couldn’t I have resisted? Did I have some hidden thing for Jude?

  No. I knew that I didn’t.

  “You ever think maybe I was able to fight it because I like her?” said Boone. “I’m trying to keep her safe, for fuck’s sake. And you screw it up. You keep pulling her back into all of this. You don’t let her go off and be normal.”

  “Safe?” I said. “Safe from who? From the vampires or from you?”

  “I thought you were apologizing.”

  “You like her. She likes you. I don’t understand why—”

  “Drop it,” he said.

  I got up out of the chair. I walked around the table, peering at the open computer screens. “How’s it coming? You making any progress?”

  “Not yet,” he said. “But I’ll figure it out. I always do.”

  That was true. He was really good at what he did. I wandered over to one of the windows. It was dark outside, but, in the distance, I could see street lamps illuminating the sidewalk. “How would you feel if Grace was with another guy?”

  “I thought we were dropping this?”

  I turned around. “If it wasn’t her fault, would you forgive her? What if Grace and somebody else were dosed with the aphrodisiac, and they couldn’t control themselves, and things happened? How would you feel about that?”

  He stood up and walked over to me. “Why are you asking me questions like this?”

  I looked back out the window. “No reason.”

  He sighed. “I’d be pissed, I guess. I wouldn’t blame Grace, but I’d probably kill the guy who did it to her.”

  I swallowed.

  “Look,” he said. “You’re right. I do like her. But I’m too old for her. I want things she’s not ready for. And I don’t want to hurt her.”

  I laughed bitterly. “Oh, but that’s what love’s all about, Boone. You find someone that you want to spend the rest of your life making happy, and then you just hurt them. Over and over and over again.”

  He furrowed his brow. “Are you okay?”

  I bit down on my lip. It hurt. “I don’t know. Maybe not. I, um, came up here because I need something to do. I need some distraction. Do you have anything that I could do to help you?”

  “Did something happen?”

  Tears again. A lump forming in my throat.

  I clenched my hands into fists, digging my fingernails into my palms. I wouldn’t cry again. “Just... do you?”

  “I guess you could go through some of the student ID search results I pulled up,” said Boone. “But if you need someone to talk to—”

  “No,” I said. “I’m fine. Show me the results.”

  He pointed.

  But when I looked, Jude was coming into the room.

  “Oh,” I said.

  “Oh,” said Jude. “I was coming to see if you needed any help, Boone, but I’ll just... go.”

  Boone looked back and forth between the two of us. “Are you guys on drugs or something? Because you’re both acting really weird.”

  “We’re fine,” I said.

  “Absolutely fine,” said Jude.

  “Good,” said Boone. “Then you go through those results, Azazel, and you come over here, Jude, and you can look at these mug shots I pulled up.” He folded his arms over his chest. “Unless there’s some reason that the two of you don’t want to be in the same room together?”

  I fidgeted. “Actually...”

  I struggled to think of some sort of explanation that would by plausible. I came up with nothing.

  So I just broke into a run, and I tore away from both of them.

  I didn’t stop until I got to the elevator.

  Then I had to wait until the door opened.

  As I threw myself inside, I heard someone behind me.

  It was Boone. He stopped the elevator. “Hold up. What’s going on?”

  “Let me go,” I said.

  “You want me to call Jason?”

  “No!”

  “Well, Jude said you wouldn’t want to be around him, so who should I call?”

  “I’m fine, Boone. Just leave it.” I tried to pry his fingers away from the elevator door.

  “Holy fuck,” he said. “What you were saying about the aphrodisiac? I know Jude raids the freezers sometimes. Did that... happen?”

  “Let me go.” I was going to start crying again.

  “Of course you don’t want me to call Jason.”

  “Just... you can’t tell anyone, okay? You can’t tell anyone.”

  Boone sighed, letting go of the elevator. “Great. Just great. This means I can’t send you and Jude out on missions together anymore, doesn’t it? We’ll have to use Grace. Motherfucker.”

  The elevator door slid closed.

  As it started its descent, I realized I could have told him that Jason had volunteered to help, but I wasn’t about to go back up there.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  “Okay, Grace, he’s coming your way,” I said from the table in the food court where I was sitting. I was hiding behind a pair of sunglasses and a newspaper, but I’d been keeping my eyes on Todd McKay, the guy that Jude and I had identified dealing blood in this food court.

  Boone had finally been able to get a positive ID on him, and now Grace and I were in the first phase of surveillance.

  “I see him,” said Grace over my earpiece. She was at the other end of the food court, sitting on a bench.

  “Okay, don’t move, either of you,” said Boone. He was watching the whole thing live over the mall’s security cameras, which he’d hacked. All three of us were communicating via earpieces.

  “But he’s turning the corner,” said Grace.

  “You still have eyes on him?” Boone asked.

  “Yes,” said Grace.

  “Then stay tight until you can’t see him anymore. Then get up and go after him.”

  “What if I lose him?” asked Grace.

  “Do as I say,” said Boone.

  “Fine,” she said.

  “Zaza, you get up and go outside,” said Boone. “You can intercept him once Grace loses him, okay?”

  “Got it.” I got to my feet, folding up the newspaper leisurely, pretending I didn’t have a care in the world. No one in the food court paid me any mind.

  “After him, Grace,” said Boone.

  “Roger that,” she said. “I’m off the bench and following him.”
/>   I strode across the food court towards the nearest door. “Heading outside.”

  “Good,” said Boone.

  I opened the door and stepped outside into the spring warmth. It was another gorgeous day. I thought it was even warmer here than at home, since we were a little further south. I began to walk around the mall, staying on the sidewalk. I walked quickly, with a purpose, but I was careful not to seem as though I was hurrying.

  “I’m close,” Grace said. “I think I could get a tracker in his back pack.”

  “Don’t get close,” said Boone. “Azazel’s going to place the tracker. That’s the plan.”

  “So, why do I have a tracker?” said Grace.

  “In case something goes wrong,” I said. “You’re back up. Keep behind him Grace. We don’t want to risk him seeing you.”

  “I’m telling you,” she said. “I can place the tracker. I can get close to him, put it in the backpack, and get away clean. His zipper’s even a little bit open.”

  “Stand down, Grace,” said Boone. “Azazel, I need you to enter through the Sears door. You see that?”

  “Yes,” I said.

  “He’s taking an unexpected route,” said Boone. “You’ll need to cut across to intercept him.”

  “Or,” said Grace, “you could just let me drop the tracker in now.”

  “She’s got a point, Boone,” I said, veering into the Sears entrance. I was greeted by the sight of a dishes display. Everything matched, from the plates to the ceramic tea kettle. They were all decorated with tiny purple flowers.

  I swept past it.

  “I’m doing it,” said Grace. “He’s turning, anyway. He’s heading for the exit.”

  “Grace,” said Boone, “if he’s breaking away from the crowd, do not follow him. You’ll call attention to yourself.”

  “Listen to him, Grace,” I said. To Boone, “You want me out of Sears?”

  “Yes,” he said. “Cross the store, and exit the doors directly horizontal from where you are.”

  I quickened my pace, trying not to look too rushed. “On my way.”

  “I’m going in,” said Grace. Her voice had dropped a few octaves.

  “What?” said Boone. “Grace, wait. Don’t do that.”

  I walked more quickly, speeding past rows of women’s suits—all in pastels and pretty prints.

  I heard Grace’s voice over my earpiece. “Oh, sorry about that.”

  Why had she said that?

  “Did you just put something in my backpack?” said a male voice.

  “Fuck,” I said. “Did you hear that, Boone?”

  “Yeah, he’s made her,” said Boone. “Get there as fast as you can.”

  I broke into a run, careening through the rest of the Sears store. Clothes, shoes, and bags streamed past me, a blur of leather and cotton.

  I saw the door that Boone had told me about ahead of me.

  A woman pushing a stroller appeared in front of me in the aisle.

  I swerved.

  I brushed against a display of watches.

  I knocked two over.

  I kept running, despite the fact I heard a sales lady yell out, “Hey!”

  I was at the door. I rushed through it, finding myself out in the parking lot.

  And I saw Todd and Grace. They were just outside the door to the mall. Todd had Grace pulled tight against him. “Nice and easy,” I heard him say through my earpiece.

  “Are you going to shoot me?” said Grace.

  She was trying to tell me that he had a gun. “Thanks, Grace,” I said. “Next time, listen to Boone, okay?”

  Boone’s voice in my ear. “I don’t have cameras out there, Azazel. Tell me what’s going on.”

  “He’s got her, Boone,” I said. “He’s got a gun.” I pulled out my own gun, sliding off the safety. “I don’t have a clean shot of him. They’re too close together.”

  “What’s this?” said Todd’s voice, too loud. “Who are you listening to?”

  I saw that he’d pulled out Grace’s earpiece.

  “Just music,” said Grace. Her voice sounded distance and a little frightened.

  Dammit, how had this all gone so completely wrong?

  “I don’t hear anything,” said Todd. “There someone else here?” He turned in a circle. He saw me.

  “He’s got eyes on me, Boone,” I said.

  Todd looked back at Grace. “What the hell?” I saw the glint of metal as his gun moved.

  I tried to move too.

  I wasn’t fast enough.

  The sound of the gunshot exploded, over my earpiece, and across the parking lot.

  “No!” I yelled.

  Grace crumpled to the ground.

  “What?” said Boone. “What the fuck, Azazel?”

  I squeezed off a few shots at Todd.

  He dove into the parking lot, seeking cover behind the cars.

  I ran after him, yelling, “Talk to me, Grace. Tell me you’re okay.”

  “It hurts,” I heard her yell out weakly.

  “She’s shot, but she’s talking, Boone,” I said.

  I caught sight of Todd, weaving between the cars. He took a shot at me.

  It didn’t connect, but the window of the car next to me exploded.

  I raised my weapon and shot at Todd.

  I heard him yelp.

  And then he fell.

  I hurried over to him.

  He was lying between a red sedan and a blue truck. He was coughing blood. I’d hit him in the neck. He didn’t have a lot of time left.

  “Boone,” I said. “Todd’s down. He’s dead.”

  “Get back to Grace and get out of there,” he said. “Mall security’s on its way for you guys.”

  I straightened, turning away from Todd. I sprinted back to where I’d left Grace.

  But when I got there, she was gone.

  “Grace?” I said. “Where are you? You still got an earpiece?” No, she didn’t. Todd had taken it from her.

  “Why are you asking that?” said Boone. “Where’s Grace?”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “She isn’t where I left her.”

  * * *

  ~jason~

  Chance was running in circles around me. Literally. I’d convinced him to pretend that he and I were a helicopter, and he was the blades. His job was to run around me. My job was to make helicopter motor sounds.

  As long as we were doing that, I didn’t have to talk to him. Not that I didn’t want to talk to him. I was just having trouble doing it, because I felt like a freaking hypocrite playing nice with my son when I’d killed a girl two days ago. For no reason.

  It didn’t seem like I should be allowed to be so domestic now. If I was a stone-cold killer, why was I also able to love my child and be a normal person? Weren’t psychos like me supposed to be devoid of empathy or something?

  Chance had no idea what I was. He still worshiped me, like the sun rose and set with the sound of my voice. He thought I was amazing. And he thought that even though I’d abandoned him when he was a baby. He didn’t carry any grudges. He just loved me.

  I didn’t deserve that.

  My phone rang.

  I dug it out of my jeans pocket. “Hello?”

  “Hey!” said Chance. He stopped running and put his hands on his hips. “You’re not making the motor noises. We’re going to crash.”

  I held up a finger, trying to indicate to Chance that I needed a minute.

  “Jason?” said the person on the other side of the phone.

  “Yeah,” I said.

  “It’s Azazel. They’re going to need you at headquarters.”

  “Headquarters?” I said. “Why?”

  “Daddy,” whined Chance.

  I covered the receiver. “One second, Chance. I’m on the phone.”

  Azazel was talking. “I lost Grace. I’m in Maryland. I don’t know if she ran off or if someone took her, but it’s bad, Jason. Boone’s freaking out, and I’m not there, so you better get there. Now.”

/>   “Maryland?” I said.

  “Just go,” she said. She hung up.

  Chance glared at me. “Why’d you stop?”

  “Someone called me on the phone.”

  “Is that person on the phone more important than me?” He folded chubby arms over his chest.

  “Chance, the world does not revolve around you, buddy. Other people are important too.” I strode across the room. “Come on, let’s go find Mina. Daddy’s got to go somewhere.”

  “I don’t think the world revolves around me,” said Chance, coming after me.

  “You could fool me sometimes.”

  He looked up at me, making one of his faces, and I realized that he was self-centered only because he was a kid. Not because there was anything wrong with him. It was normal for kids to be a little bit selfish.

  (Did that mean my own emotional development was stunted or something? Was that why I longed to control people? Had some part of me never matured? I probably shouldn’t have prematurely dropped out of therapy all those years ago. But the therapist was stupid. I couldn’t handle having someone analyze me who was so much less intelligent than I was.)

  “Where are you going?” he asked.

  I considered. “I’m going to work.”

  He looked excited. “With Mommy Zaza? To kill bad guys?”

  “Yeah,” I said. “That’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

  * * *

  Boone was rushing back and forth between several computers when I arrived in the main meeting room. Jude was sitting behind another computer, typing furiously.

  “Hey,” I said, shutting the door behind me.

  They looked up at me.

  Jude looked away immediately.

  “Jason?” said Boone. “What are you doing here?”

  “Azazel said you might need my help,” I said. “You want to tell me what’s going on?”

  “You?” Boone clutched his forehead. “What the hell are you going to do? You going to peace and love them until they give Grace back?”

  “Peace and...” I shook my head in confusion. I guessed I really hadn’t been too involved lately. That was apparently what Boone thought of me. “Azazel said she was in Maryland. What are you guys doing down there?”

  “It’s her fault,” said Boone. “Azazel did this. She left Grace alone. She ran after that Todd kid to take him down, and while Azazel’s back was turned, they snatched Grace.”